Hope, Lies, and Magick
Why doesn't anything interesting ever happen to me? I
mean, seriously, look at my last entry- it's about the
things I WISH could happen.
Someone once said, "Some men are born great, others
achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrusted upon
Sometimes I wish I was blissfully interesting and that I
was surrounded by boys all the time and I had talent and
perfect grades and flawless looks. I want to be a movie
star that everyone else pales in comparison to. I want to
be a music explorer and create symphonies that no other
composer could even think of.
But then I look at my life. I'm just a plain little
sophomore girl with normal drama; a guy hates me because
he's in love with me and I'm dating his brother.
Everyone's been there before. I want a new exotic taste of
life, I want to go somewhere where things really happen, I
want to write a book and throw fantastic parties and just
be the best!
I create myself in the Sims and do everything I wish I
could do; I get an amazing job and I take Dad's car; I
manage perfect grades and get invited to parties; I write
novels and win cooking contests.
I CAN do these things, but they take SO much work I'd
have no time left to dance around my room on my iPod like
an idiot. I can't just morph into what I'd like to be in
I want to be mature in my family. Everyone still thinks
I'm the baby and I'm always the last one to know
something, if I ever even know it. They never tell me
about things concerning Chris, I was the last to know Wil
was schizophrenic, and I never knew about Uncle Booney's
problem until maybe three years later.
Maybe if I cook and clean more, and bring home better
grades they'll treat me better.
As for grades, I REALLY want to do it this year. But
it's all so messy and hard; I've missed four days in two
weeks and I have no idea what to say. Mr. Hall has us
doing something with Odesius and I have no idea how to
say, "I missed four days and suddenly have no idea what's
going on." Mrs. Brewer says we need to come to tutorial,
but I can't, I can't, I'm making up other things. Oh God,
what do I do? I'll need to get an A on EVERYTHING to
I want a car and a job.
Damn, I remember maybe a year ago I checked out a book
on success or whatever, by Sean Covey. It was a REALLY
good book, and I HAVE to get it again!
Let's see how I see myself in a year and a half:
I'm a junoir. I'm the President of Operation Beautiful:
Year Two. People love me because I'm understanding, funny,
and capable. I laugh a lot.
My hair is long, sleek, and tame. It's strait and my
bangs are bouncy and out of my face. I don't have a zit to
speak of. I'm somewhat tan and my eyes are clear of any
lack of sleep.
My body is working. My breasts are perky, my tummy's
flat, and my legs slope. I'm in chuncky heels and I look
People trust me with their secrets and I'm the person
who you can come to when you want to cry. I'm perky and
fun and supportive. I bounce; people love me.
I drive a cluncky green Taurus that has a running heater
and rollable windows. It smells like pine fresh and it's
really clean. My driver's license is sitting in my new
I drive to my job; Petco, where I'm wearing a flattering
red apron and blue pants. I smile at shy customers and
point them to the right aisle as I walk a dog to the
grooming station. I check its' teeth and nails and write
down its weight before it's ready to see my instructor. I
smile at the register and help people easily.
Oh, please, oh please PLEASE PLEASE... I want that life
to be MINE. And it CAN be mine. I'll make it happen.
Lots of Love,