unheard

Burn Me
2010-09-15 03:51:23 (UTC)

Hate Being Me

I am not a family person when it comes to 5 specifically
close people. Away from them I can be me, I am free, I am
real to an extent. When I come home from work I am
expected to do ten billion things and endure being yelled
at too. These same people can't get up off their lazy
butts and do anything for themselves. You can't rely on
them for anything. They lost my trust. I have no patience
for them. They will tell you that they are all about rules
but NOOOOOOOOOO. They make rules then change them up for
specific people. Numero UNO is the worst. He hates my guts
so much that he has threatened my life, told me I was
crazy, and told me he never wanted to see me again.

Tonight he told me I was causing trouble when I was simply
getting my nephew something to drink. He wanted my nephew
to drink out of his own cup. (Note: I keep saying he
because I refuse to call him what other children would
call the male biological parent in any family) I am 23
years old and he still treats me like he owns me. He
treats me like I am dirt just because I don't do exactly
what he wants me to do. I won't give him the satisfaction
of turning me into a mindless slave. He always takes his
anger and frustration out on me even if I'm not even in
the middle of the situation. Either way it is always my
fault. I'm the black sheep. You know what? I hope I die
before him so I can get first dibs on the afterlife to
avoid being anywhere near him.

I'm still waiting for a knight in shining armor to sweep
me off my feet and rescue me from this hell. Why am I
always the one he targets? No one cares. ANyone who reads
this will be like eh so what. That's the reaction I've
gotten over and over when I've tried to explain what goes
on here. I can't get out for financial reasons. If I had
the money I'd be gone and I would never come back. Not in
a million years. If it ever came down to it I would only
want to see my nephew, who I hope will find a way out of
this family faster than myself. He does not deserve to be
trapped by him as I am. I don't want him to hate me but
because of HIM >.< my nephew probably will when he is
older.

I can't have a life because 5 specific people are always
holding me back. I want to do what I want to do when I
want to do it. I want to get a second job and they won't
let me. I want to get out but they keep finding ways to
take my money so I can't afford a place of my own, or much
less to room with anyone. I'm so ticked off right now I
feel like I'm going to burst. Why can't every second of
every day be pleasant? Why couldn't I have been fortunate
enough to be a favored? Why do I have to be hated? Why am
I hated? That's the biggest one. WHY ME?




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