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2010-09-09 21:08:52 (UTC)

Getting mature

hmmm.... blogging again/ hayy hindi ko alam kng ung mga
sinusulat ko now eh something na bburahin ko in the future/
ganun tlaga ako, madaling mdapa. madaling mahulog, madaling
ma in love and madaling masaktan.

There comes a point na I felt like I am not meant for
someone. Or is there such someone na meant for me. Living
and dying. crying and weeping. minsan hindi ko tlaga alam
kng saan ako mag uumpisa. Perhaps im writing something on a
blank page and just following what my fingers are telling me
to.. Maybe its the same thing like loving without feeling..
or living without breathing.. either ways hindi ko din

It's all nonsense... yan ang sinsabi ng isip ko. I know this
is what I wished for and lumayo. I missed my mom and my
sister and when the time na andun ako sa pinas, andun ung
anticipation ko na makaalis kagad.

everytime na im closing my eyes I felt like its soo painful
when Im hearing my sister's claims na im useless. I know
that she didnt mean what she said but it hurts..

And I dont know why that when I am here. I feel Like im
missing her more than my mom. I feel guilty that I didnt
made my mom proud of me bt it hurts me more if I cannot
sustain the needs of my sister. I do love her/

I did and I can try to be a better person. maybe again this
is not the kind of dream im dreaming from the beginning but
hopefully fate will come on my side and helps me to answer
my own's questions.. I am so tired of thinking.. I wished it
will end soon.