The Real Me
2010-09-06 03:42:27 (UTC)


I didnt do anything today just stayed at home. I was
supposed to go job hunting but I will do defo tomorow with
Noddy and later Diana is gonna stay over so tis all good =)

Ok so its really not. I cant stop thinking about V. I miss
him, hes not in my life anymore its obvious now. He used to
call or txt me everyday for a year and now he doesnt. What
is wrong with me?...Im scared i might actually love him, I
mean I dont feel sick i dont feel hurt I feel empty like i
seriously miss him but i dont feel like hes gone because i
feel like im just meant to be with him. Like in the end I
will be with him. Is that how love is supposed to feel? Ha
no I cant possibly love him, ive never been in love im
always deluded, when will i just stop falling for everyone I
have serious issues. Its like I just wake up in the morning
and i think hmm V. like hes part of my brain and my daily
routine just to think of v whatever it is. Its like he
subconciously unknowingly kinda left a permanant mark on my
brain/heart and now it wont go away, as if i am programmed
to think about him everyday, not even get totally depressed
or something. Just how you would remember your mother or that. I get satisfied knowing that
hes still if he goes on facebook that rests me
assured just knowing hes still somewhere around or there.
But yeah I need to face it the boy hasnt even called or
texted me he really doesnt care n its about time i just get
over this. I need someone to help me stop obbsess over him
like this its pathetic. I need uni i need this stupid hols
to end..i need this feeling to end...i need this attachment
to be cut short...i need to stop feeling and stop having any
emotion. im still fuking fat by the way

So ive decided everytime i try to eat starting tomorow I
shall vomit. Yes i know it sounds like a disorder but only
for 2 weeks i really need too..starving just isnt working..i
keep over eating i havnt lost even a pound thats how bad it