My life
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2010-09-05 21:41:53 (UTC)

Change of mind!

Evrythng is luking so
fckng confused.. M
bcmng mre nd mre
silent! Pta nai bt kisi
se bi baat krne ka mann
nai krta.. It's been 5
tyms in last mnth, wen
my parents calld me up
nd cmplaing y i neva
cal dem.. Dis is hppng
4 d 1st tym in my
entire span of staying
hea at delhi.. Nd evn
in delhi m nt caling up
any of my frnds..
Hwevr deres nthng wrong
goin on.. Evrythng is
goin gud.. Bt stil my
mood stays upset 4 mst
of the tym. Evn aftr
hvng evrythng, smthng
smwhr feels mising!! I
dnt knw wat it is..

Y'day i drunk upto all
tym high.. Bt one gud
thng hppnd dat i dint
remebr hr aftr gttin
high. She ws the only
reason 4 wch i avoid
drinking.. Nw i thnk i
can undstnd wat the
problem is.! I've 2
stay as far as psbl frm
hr. Only by doin so i
can gt her out of my
mind.. Nw i've 2 mk sm
real descion regd hr..
Bt i dont knw.. Y once
agn.. I've 2 surrendr
in frnt of my destiny
saying that u won agn
nd i've lost her.. Mayb
i dn't or vl evr gt sm1
i like.. Y it's so dat
evry tym i hs 2 muv on,
frcing my self 2 belive
dat she is n't the
right gal.. d very
first tym i hd crush on
shikha in 8th stndrd..
She replied dat she dnt
wanna fall into sch
thng.. I muvd on. Den
came bhawana, my 1st
galfrnd.. Our rltn wnt
smooth 4 arnd 1yr den
v broke up! Okay i
agree dat ws my fault..
Bt i hv applogised her
recently.. Aftr den
came penny, d gal who
changed my meaning of
lyf.. She made me
cmplte mature about
lyf, love, frnshp,
rltns.. I knew dat she
is d one. Bt i've tried
bloody 4 yrs 4 her..
The mst enjoyable
period of my lyf.. And
wen evrythng fell apart
i prmsd myself dat all
gals r bitch nd l neva
fall for any othr gal..
I gave up in frnt of my
destiny saying mayb she
wsn't d one. Bt mai toh
mai hun.. Very soon i
dvlopd feelings 4 anie
(maggie, as i cal her
in my diary).. Thnkng
dat she is d one.. At
starting d feelngs wr
nt so intense.. And i
ws pretty sure dat l mk
hr mine. D way i
proposd hr, i hvn't
felt 4 any1. Wen
evrythng ws a failure
nd meaningless, she
gave meaning 2
evrythng, to my lyf..!!
She took my heart lyk
taking darkness frm pit
of night nd turnd it
into a baecon burning
bright.. I challengd my
destiny once agn.. I
applied watevr i've
learnd frm my all prv.
Crush. Evrythng ws so
predictable nd
organised.. I ws pretty
sure that this tym i l
suceed.. Bt waqai hi
mere naseeb mai pyar
nai likha.. Use b ye
cmitmnt sirf mere
purposal se pehle hi
karni thi.. K ab woh
kisi aur ko chance nai
degi nd she'l nt, evr
fall into any cmitmnt..
Yar jst few week pehle
hi to usne punnu ko
haan kahin thi.. Bt may
b m nt gud enuf k woh
mjhe ek chance bhi de..
Bt aisa nai hai.. I
knw.. Yar kya kya nai
gawaya maine uske
peeche.. Kitne aason,
kitne doston se ladai,
kitne logon se
dooriyan.. Nd many more
said nd unsaid
sacrifice.. I've lost
my true self nd bcame
mre of her.. Aur na
jaane kitna kuch yar..
Bhut kuch.. Aur aaj
aprx 2yr 6mnth k bad,
history apne aap ko
repeat kr rhi hai..
Sayad fir se mjhe apni
destiny k saamne ghutne
daalne padenge... Aur
agr aisa karna pada
to.. Pta nai, bt
main..., warna.., yar i
dnt knw.. Plz aisa na
ho plz god if u really
exist smwhr.. It's
painfull, jst stp it, i
cant breath..... I
can't breath... I can't
live lyk this.. Plz
stop it... Plz mk dis
all a bad dream nd wake
me up in hr arms.. Or
make me sleep

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