Street_smart

Experienced Life
2010-09-01 18:31:32 (UTC)

Moving and the path of life

I'm here at the home that I'm about to foreclose on. I have
another place I'm renting and most of the stuff has been
moved. I now sit here in this nearly empty house and recall
all that has happened and the new path in life I am taking.

I have mixed feelings. I see that I can start all over again
in a new place with a fresh start. I also see this almost
empty and very messy home that I see reflects my past and
the failures that occurred in the five years I've been
living here.

It was once a beautiful place with a waterfall outside,
beautiful roses around the house. Low voltage lighting that
made the night so cool looking. The home was a good 2700 sq
ft so there was plenty of room for kids and adults.

I look at the house and can see where the kids played and
climbed onto getting into mischief. I know their hiding
places when they'd play hide-and-seek together. We had our
electronic stuff all over the house so we got them. Our
Kitchen is a beautifully countered with something called
Cambria. It's like synthetic granite only better. Stainless
steel appliances.

A veggie garden out back and the kids playground. Pool table
in the garage with overhead garage storage. Nice dining room
table with chandeliers. The Koi in the pond under the
waterfalls grew to beautifully colored fishes.

Now realty sets in. I will lose this home shortly.
Ex stole the fridge. Waterfall is a mess and the pond dried
up. Koi died from lack of care and water. Palm trees dying.
Rose bushe dying. Veggie garden full of weeds along with the
weeds taking over the playground. Most of the house is
barren. Very cold looking. Memories of the kids are a
nightmare now since the ex has them. They aren't bio mine too.

I have to sell my pool table pennies on the dollar.
My life sure sucks right now. I'm also so fucking tired of
moving stuff all week long. The other place needs some major
organization. Downsizing is something I have to work on. I
don't have room for my stuff and will have to get rid of it
one way or another.

Then the fucking silence again. In this family room where I
used to hang out and have fun with the kids. Now it's a mess
just like my fucking life.

Whomever came up with that term "living to die" sure knew
what he was saying.

All this while the ex is still playing her fucking mind
games with me. I just hope she is somewhat a little stable
enough to take them to school so that they have a fighting
chance of a future. Unlike the 19 yr old daughter from her
previous marriage that will amt to nothing but a CA welfare
recipient. Fucking losers in this STate. No wonder we are
fucked.

As for me, I don't have the will right now to man up. Sucks
to be me.....


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