Tarja

SunsetTears
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2010-08-24 23:09:48 (UTC)

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I'm not one to write in my diary at home. That one is just
something that I use to write down all the things that I
know I can't say anywhere else. I live in the western part
of the United States. But I'm not a full American.

My dad was born in the UK. Ever since I was little I
wondered why I had a accent and all the other kids wanted to
make fun of me for it. I think now that it was just because
I was a little different and that they secretly wanted my
accent.

Or at least, that's what I tell myself at night, when all
the taunts come out and play.

~~

I have worked for only my parents my entire life. They are
good bosses, but sometimes I think that they are too wrapped
up in their jobs to see that the kids really just want a mum
and dad.

Don't get me wrong. I'm grateful that my parents are able to
work and know that they are going to be fine for the next
month. Or that we won't have to give up our house because we
can't afford the bills.

I just wish that there was more family time. Time where all
the family got together and we just played. I look at the
other families around me and wonder sometimes how my life
would be if me and so-and-so were in the other's family.

Would those siblings actually like me? Hang out with me? Be
something more than just a sibling?

Maybe not. But just sometimes, I wish that I didn't have to
go day by day, wondering what it would feel like to have a
sibling who shares my interest, or was similar to me. And
not be 8 years my senior, making me feel like garbage every
time that I tried to help.

~~

School's something that I missed for about three years. 7th
grade through 9th I was internet schooled. It was okay, but
I really didn't like not having anyone to talk to. I don't
have friends, but I have people who know me better than even
my family. Which isn't saying much, seeing as how they
aren't really around all that much.

My school last year was cool though. I really enjoyed being
in some of the classes.

Swimming is awesome. I really enjoy the feel of flight
through the water. And when I get out, I love the sight of
it glistening off of my skin. Pale as it may be.

Choir is phenomenal as well. I love letting my voice express
all the feelings that I have pent up inside. The way that no
matter what the teacher has us sing, or how to sing it, I
can still express anger, passion, weightlessness, home-
sickness, or even sometimes, just that moment of sadness,
like the world doesn't understand you and you just feel
alone.

Yeah, typical of a sixteen-year-old to say right? But when
you were sixteen, didn't you ever feel like the only thing
that you could relate to was a rock, kicked around by
hundreds of passers-by? Or the cat, just because she was
always getting booted out of her warm chair just because
some human was bigger than her and wouldn't take kindly to
scratching?

Drama was fun too. I wasn't in it personally, but I would go
in during Lunch, and instead of eating, I would simply look
at all the different actors and imagine me up there.
Flawless and graceful. Sometimes singing, if it was a
musical.

~~

So you've just read my first entry. Tell me what you think.
I want to know. Blast me, compliment me, tell me I've got it
all wrong, correct me. I really couldn't care less at this
point. Ask me what you want to know. I'll answer most if not
all questions. So I'll see you later.

. Tarja


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