Vanilla

A night out and Life.

Yesterday I went to liquid it was such a long journey to
Uxbridge and we stayed over at my mates. Well it just so
happens that I met this guy from last year that I kissed
when I was totally drunk and out of it. And I bumped into
him again and he bought me a drink except I saw him swap it
and thought he spiked it, My cousin drank 3 sips and was out
of it she even started vomiting and so yes we got kicked
out. But i think i may have got him wrong seeing as ever
since last year all ive done is accuse him of shit and last
time I turned out wrong maybe this time aswel im wrong. I
confronted him and he convinced me he didnt do anything. Its
anoying that he wants to get with me, he told my friend to
hook us up. ew? well more like whats the point? Im not into
you, im not into you P, im not into you K all I want is V.
Oh wait even that I dont want anymore. Why? because you
chased me V and you didnt give a shit how i felt by the end
of it. Why do guys do that? chase you for a year make it
obvious they like you, by trying to hold your hand,trying to
hug you all the time, being there for you etc. And in the
end confessing, and just when youve left your boyfriend to
be with them. Oh wait theres no point of us being together.
What the hell is that about. He said in 2 years time coz now
hes a lawyer and Im still at uni so im immature and young.
Real question, if you genuinely liked them would you ever
take that risk? No. So whyyyyyy chase me?...coz im just a
chase? ok if thats the case why not JUST BE FRIENDS? hes not
happy with that he told me he cant because he will always
have feelings for me. Stuff those feelings up someones arse
for all I care. And breath. Just feel empty nowa days.

So I need to sort out my legs and those horrible scars, I
dont know what to do, my best feature were my legs and now
they have dots and scars all over them, ingrown hairs. How
does that go? and I need to lose some weight...so Gym
tomorow after that crappy family get together...oh how I
love them. Not. Think my love for family went flying out the
window alongside my fathers funeral. ArghghghhgghhgghIm so
godamn fat now, I just bought soooo many clothes a month ago
size 8 and none of them fit me im now a size 10 i have no
money or job so cant even get new clothes not that i bloody
want to because I want to be able to feel comfortable being
a size 8. Its so depressing that im fat and people are
noticing that Ive put on weight. I now weigh 9 stones and a
bit its horrid.