Teenage life
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2010-08-20 01:53:13 (UTC)

read this story it may just change your life.

Each day goes by with the passing seconds, one second
leading to the next, and these seconds leading to minutes
leading to days leading to weeks leading to months leading
to years. With each second passing another moment is gone,
never to be had again. Many people live their lives
waiting for one of these moments to surprise them, waiting
for something great to happen. Before September 14, 2009 I
was one of those people. On September 14, 2009 I made the
choice to end my life. Things had caught up with me, and I
was in a bad place. The morning of that day was a morning
in which I truly wanted to die. It was an act of
selfishness, a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
I did not consider those that loved me, my friends and my
family. The only thing in my mind was the thought of
wanting to die. The thought that I couldn’t take life
anymore, that among other things the passing moments of
insignificance caught up with me, tired of waiting for
something great to happen. That morning, I made the choice
to kill myself, and though it was a decision that I
regret, it was a decision that changed my life forever.
This is the story of that day, and how that decision has
changed me. I woke up that morning, and just like most
days the simple act of getting out of bed was like
climbing a mountain, I couldn’t do it so I went back to
sleep, a little later I woke up. I had been feeling pretty
bad for a few days, contemplating suicide, fighting
battles with myself on whether or not I should do it. For
whatever reason, that morning, darkness took me over and
the battle was lost. I made the choice to kill myself. It
didn’t take long after that decision that I made my way to
a bottle of pills. I opened up the top, poured what was
left of the pills, which ended up being about twenty, into
my mouth and swallowed them down. I sat there for a few
minutes waiting, wondering if there is anything I should
leave behind, like a note. Instead of writing a note, I
sent three text messages to three different people, two of
them sent to two girls whom I cared for greatly. The other
text message was sent to my best friend, Will. These texts
said to these people what I had done and how much I cared
for them. Needless to say, my three friends were very
concerned, Will called my dad from school and told him
what had happened, and my dad called 911. A short time
after I texted Will and the two girls the paramedics
showed up at my house. I was sitting on my back porch
waiting for them, because Will told me they were coming. I
was listening to music when they showed up, Queen
specifically, the song “Somebody to Love” as the
paramedics were taking care of me I remember asking them
if they liked Queen and telling them I could change the
song if they wanted. I ended up in Children’s Hospital for
a few days, recovering. They couldn’t put me in a private
room under law so I was taken to the ICU with the crying
babies. I spent my nights in the hospital sleepless, I
couldn’t take the crying babies, they were too much. After
a few days of recovery I was informed that I would be
taken, and taken very very reluctantly, to a mental
hospital in Gadsden. This news was not good to me at the
time and I was dragged kicking and screaming to Gadsden.
When I finally accepted that I would be in that hospital
for a short time I made it my mission to get home, that’s
the only place I wanted to be was home. My time in the
mental hospital was important, though, and without it I
wouldn’t be the same person I am today. I have always
believed in God, and have grown up going to church, but it
wasn’t until that time in the mental hospital that I
really realized what God can do. You hear the story of the
footprints in the sand and how Christ will carry you in
times of need, and until then I didn’t believe it because
I had not experienced. I prayed as much as I could for a
miracle, and just asked God to get me through that time,
and he did. God sent me a miracle, an angle. Her name was
Renae. Renae was employed by a company that ran mental
hospitals, and she traveled from hospital to hospital in
Alabama managing them. She doesn’t usually deal with
patients, just managing the hospital, but for some reason,
a reason I may never know, she took a special interest in
me. She was my angel, and she got me through that time in
the hospital, she helped me cope with things going on in
my life and in the end, got me home. I am forever grateful
to this woman, she answered my prayers. I finally made it
home, I was put on a different anti-depressant than the
one I was previously on and continued out patient therapy.
I have since stopped taking the medicine, and now feel
like I am on the other side of all of that, I have the
ability to cope with the things in my life and the
understanding that each day has a tomorrow, and tomorrow
the sun will rise. I didn’t tell you that story to make
you feel sorry for me, or look at me any different than
you already do. I told you that story so you can learn
from what I have done and cherish life, and love living.
You might be one of those people that wait as the moments
pass you by for something great to happen. Take it from me
just waiting is no good, you have to make the moments
great, and cherish each moment. Because the fact is,
you’re alive, whether you believe that God gave you life
or it was something else, it is still a fact that you (for
whatever reason) are alive, and so many things could have,
but didn’t, happen to take that life away from you. In
life, you only have the moments that are given to you, and
though they seem to be many, they are few. So take each
moment as it comes, and live that moment to the best of
your ability. Persist, and don’t let disappointment stop
you from dreaming. Follow your dreams, no matter how far
fetched they are. Appreciate the ones that love you, and
the ones that you love, and always put them first. Take
care of, and love your family, because friends come and
go, but your family is your family, they will be there
through thick and thin. Do what you love, and do what
pleases you, never take the opportunity to do what you
love for granted. These are things that I have learned
from my experience of what happened that day. The most
important thing that I learned from that day is to not
live day to day, but to break it down and live moment to
moment, and cherish each of those moments as if it were
your last. September 14, 2009 I wanted to die, and after
taking as many pills as I did probably should have. For
some reason, though, I was kept around, maybe I’ll do
something great or be something great, but I have to
believe that I didn’t die for a reason, and maybe that
reason is to tell this story in hopes that it will change
someone’s perspective. This story may change someone’s
life, I can only hope that it does, that what I have done
helps people live just a little better. Even if it
doesn’t, though, it still changed my life. Its funny how
sometimes the bad things that happen to you turn out to
have good results, it is the whole “blessing in disguise”
thing, and that only makes me know even more that anything
bad that happens will pass, it will one day be over, and
as long as I take those times one moment at a time, I will
live to see the other side of all the unfortunate events
and everything bad that will come.