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2010-08-16 03:21:33 (UTC)

im new!

so today I decided to create an online diary and i was
hopeing to find one that would allow people to veiw my
entries and be able to comment on them because to be
honest I am a little desperate for some advice.

I am from WI and my parents had moved to dallas TX about a
year ago. i decided to stay in Wisconsin to be with my
family and friends and go to school there. Well, I let
school just disapear on my list of things that were
important. Since my parents were gone i fell in love with
freedom to do what i want and my parents knowing nothing.
So i dropped out of school and so my priorities became
just going out wit friends and working. One day i went out
to a party to relieve some stress. the Guy who lived there
put a lil love spell on me or somethin because i ended
gettin a lil intoxicated and slept with him. after that i
never really planned on contacting him ever i just wanted
it to have never of happend, but he found me and he liked
me so i was a little intrested on seeing what would happen.

Boy did i Think this guy was a dream come true. He had a
daughter who he loved very much (i thought) and he was on
his own so that hinted a little reponsibilty in his blood
lol! i asked to not be around her so i wouldnt get
attached but he would persuade me to stay and hang out
with her. so of course i was right and i fell in love with
is baby girl. after that i figured out that he was a
druggy and i wasnt to hesitant to try new things. before i
new it i was in an abusive relationship and addicted to

I loved Ryan so much and i gave him everything he wanted.
i Cooked him dinner and when he was dope sick i took care
of him even tho i was sick right a long with him (someone
had to be strong) i took care of his daughter while he sat
on the couch all day out of his mind on drugs. i worked my
butt of to make sure that there was foood on the table for
me and him and that his rent was getting paid and we both
had enough pills to make sure we werent sick and could
actually function. well i did them so that i could
function and would tie the edge of being sick but he never
had the power to be just normal he always wanted to be
high and then get more hgher and then later he would get
even higher!

all i ever wanted from him was to spend time with me and
show me love like he said he loved me, but no everything
else was more imporant and since i lost a lot of respect
because i was an addict i had no one but him! HE would get
so mad sometimes and he would become a monster but i delt
with it because i thought i had nothing else i thought my
life was never going to get better.

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