LovelyLovelyBones

In the Pursuit of Happiness
2010-08-14 17:26:39 (UTC)

Someone to love with my life in their hands.

Whats wrong with me? Why cant I be normal like everyone
else? I always seem to to screw up some of the best things
on my life. Being the only child really sucks. I have no
one to talk to besides my parents, and most of the time
they dont understand what Im going through. Wile Zak is on
Star Island haveing a blast, Im stuck at home morning over
his loss. (Zak is the ex boyfriend. We dated for 2 1/2
years and then one summer he ditched me to go work on an
island about 10 miles off the coast of New Hampshire. He
promised he wouldnt go but he did. Then called me up one
day and broke up with me.) He was my best friend and the
only person in the world I completely trusted. We had a
real hard relationship. He's mom and sister hated me for
some reason. My family seemed to like him. He even said
that he felt more at home at my house then he did at his
own house. He's mom and sister were the type of people to
insult you but to everyone else they where being nice. And
if you said anything about it you looked like a complete
idiot because no one knew what you where talking about. Zak
also had a tendency to "throw me under the bus" all the
time. I remember one time we were at his house and I forgot
that his mom a rule about no food in bedrooms. Of cource I
forgot, so on they way downstairs to Zaks room I grabbed a
pack of snack crackers. And his sister being who she was
had to go snitch on me and tell his mother. Once I got to
Zaks room he reminded me that there was no food alowed in
bedrooms. So I said I forgot I didnt open the crackers and
set them on the table. About 5 min after we got to his room
his mother come down and litteraly starts screeming at me
about the crackers. Now remember they werent open they were
just sitting on the table. As Lauri (his mother) is yelling
at me she keeps saying that "I disrespected her rules and
when I do that I disrespect her and she is not going to
allow that in her house. I am a guest and Im going to
respect her rules or I can leave." In shock about what just
happend I turned to Zak. All Zak had to say was "I told you
so." Wlie his mother was standing right there. I could have
killed him. If my mom did that to Zak I would have stood up
to her and told her to take a break until she can talk us
without screeming. I was appalled at what he did. I just
about left his house. But he said he was sorry and that he
would talk to his mother about what she did. So I stayed.
Now let me fast forword to my life today. Since the break
up I have dated lots of guys and have yet to find someone
who I feel the same way about. But maybe thats a good thing
that I dont feel the same way about someone else as I did
with Zak. I mean we did have a really have a bad break up.
So as far as my summer is going Im spending most of my days
helping my parents around the house and taking care of Toby
(the dog that Zak and I got together). I feel like Im stuck
in a hole and the more I try to get out the deeper I go. I
want to move out of state in the worst way but I cnt until
Im off probation. Im on probation because a month after Zak
and I broke up, I broke into his house to get my stuff
back. But wile I was there I kinda sorta trashed the place.
Unfortunatly it was pretty obvious who would have the
motive to do something like that. So when the police called
me to come in for questioning I tryed lieing at first but I
can't lie to save my life. So eventually I confessed. No
one got hurt wich was good. But it cost $500 to get me out
on bail. Then the $1200 for a good lawyer. So needless to
say dont break into someones house. I guess I did it
because I wanted him and his family to feel the anger and
pain I felt. Im adopted so its hard for me to bond and
trust people. Zak was the first person outside my family
that I trusted with my life. He was my best friend. And
from my understanding of what the therapists say, the
reason my feelings were so ridiculously strong was because
of my abandonment as a child. And Zak leaving me brought up
17 years of abandonment issues that years of therapy tryed
to deal with. So basically until January 2011 Im stuck in
this hell hole of a town. Im trying to make the best of it
but its hard when everyone knows your buisness. Not to
mention how embarrassing it is to have the whole town think
your crazy. Plus on top of all this Zak still seems to piss
me off. Just about a month ago I started hanging out with a
friend of mine from high school. His name is Jeremy. Now
Jeremy has a son with a girl named Shirley. Now, Shirley is
nothing short of a slut. One of the Shirley's boy toys
named Fred is best friends with Zak. (Fred, Jeremy and
myself were all in the same graduating class. Zak and
Shirley were the same class. A year behind me.) So what
happend is Fred went to Star Island for a week were Zak
works every summer. When Fred got back home, Shirley went
to his house to visit. Wile Fred and Zak were hanging out
Zak told Fred that I said I cheated on Zak with Jeremy.
Wich was a lie. I did tell him that, but that was because
he had just broke up with me and I wanted him to hurt just
as I was hurt. Now when Fred told Shirley, Shirley told
Jeremy and Jeremy asked me about it. And I told him truth,
that I lied to Zak to hurt him. So ever since all this
stuff happend I havnt herd anything from Jeremy. Wich
really upsets me because I really liked hanging out with
him. I think what happend was Zak told Fred more then just
that and Fred told Shirley and Shirley told Jeremy. Jeremy
claims that all he was told about was about the lie, but I
have a feeling he's the one doing the lieing this time.




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