Metallicminds

The Metallic life
2010-08-14 08:08:22 (UTC)

strength

As I think about how I came this far as a Christian-I am amazed at how much
God has taught me in a years time-honestly the hardest part I've experienced
so far was turning myself completely to God. Upon the realization that I can't
do this on my own, I found that it would be my own volatile nature that
would cause me to collapse and buckle under my own weight. Unfortunately
a mistake I made was that I drove myself to a point where I had actually
collapsed under the immense weight of myself-It was then I knew I needed
God even more now then ever.

I started talking to God a lot more lately. I was really asking, begging for
help-because I was getting leveled completely from stress and I was having a
hard time getting back up. I could be doing more then what I'm doing now
but was having a hard time finding the strength to do so. The first few
scenarios I had poured myself before God-complaining and aching for
something better in life. The first person I identified with in the Bible was Job
given that he had his struggle-his aches and pains in life. I was experiencing
similarities but as I make this journey called life I no longer am a "job" type of
person. I lost stuff in life-that I know of. In the end it was II Samuel 12:19-
23 that gave me strength to get back up.

II Samuel 12:19-23 When David saw the servants whispering, he said to
them, Is the child dead? And they said he is dead. And David rose and
washed and changed his clothing and asked that food be set before him, and
he ate. The servants said to him, What is this that you are doing? you fasted
and wept for the child when he was alive, and now that he is dead, you get up
and eat! And David said: While the child was yet alive, I fasted and wept, for I
said, who knows wether the lord will be gracious to me and the child will live.
But now that he is dead, why should I fast? Can I bring him back again?
Shall I go to him; but he will not return to me

The first 2 things God emphasized with me was the importance of letting go
and accepting. But God is now adding a 3rd element into that mix: moving
on/getting back up. It's such a significant lesson that I feel God forced me to
learn and now that I understand it, I'm thanking Him. I'll be honest, I've lost
touch with myself because of poor self image, low self-esteem and low
amounts of confidence (abuse will do that to you). Indirectly God started
saying "Timo look, you're smarter and stronger then you give yourself credit
for. I don't need to hold your hand on this...." I doubt I'll be able to
reconnect with all the elements that will show the true essence of who I really
am and who God intended me to be until I move on. I've taken the first 2
steps (letting go and accepting)-I might as well go all the way.

Thanks to God I've found the strength to get back up and keep going. God
will be my eyes and ears from now on....... and right now I'm looking out into
the horizon.




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