Miss Lost

Beautiful Disaster
2010-08-13 19:26:06 (UTC)

What's going on right now

Well, omg!!!! I let Tommy come over which he invited
hiself which isnt really nice but point being he came over
and we ended up having sex bc of course stupid me was
fucked up on pain pills. Then he didn't leave until like
wayyyy late the next afternoon bc stupid me let him stay.
It was basically my fault for coming onto him. Then he
came over the next day and stayed all day again and I told
him to leave when I fell asleep and he came up with some
stupid excuse like "i fell asleep im sry i just woke up at
4" I was so mad then I made him leave and texted him and
said when we chill no more staying past 10. Then he was
like ok. So I don't really know where we stand right now
but I know while we were fucked up he got really close to
me and we started talking about things that will probably
lead him in the wrong direction. I want to date him when
im older bc I can do whatever I want but he is kinda
clingy. I don't really know I just know that I do want to
date someone else before I date him.

I seen Jordan when we went to Food Lion and at first he
was ignoring me and everything then he came up and scared
me and started hugging on me and helping me find stuff.
Then he took me near the bathrooms and started kissing on
me and I gave him one kiss and he was like thats all I get
and I was like yeah lol then he followed me around for a
min and when we went to check out he bagged the groceries
and flirted with me. His friend came over and started
flirting with me to and Jordan was playin around saying
things to make him stop talking. Then when Jordan got
called back to help the Manager his friend was talking to
me and flirting with me. He waved when we walked out too.
(oh and me and Jordan went outside for a sec to kiss and
when we walked in his mananger wanted him so thats when he
left) then when I get home Jordan texts me and said Jason
was trying to hit on me. Then we talked for a lil and I
asked him would he get mad if i hooked up with jason and
he said no whatever makes me happy and if i wanted him.
then i told him that I wanted him. Then he was like well I
want things to be back the way they were (the 4 days we
dated) and I was like yeah that was fun. Then he plans on
asking me out in a week when he doesnt work as much so he
can have more time for me. I doubt any of that will happen.

Steven came up and spent the night last night. Good News!
we didn't have sex. I love being with him and just being
around him. He makes me feel good but sometimes he makes
me feel bad. I guess I just wonder what he doesnt tell me
and where he goes when i'm alone at home bored. I dont
really know what to do about that situation. We agreed
thats it's ok for us to have sex and just be friends. But
I also said that to Tommy. Oh and I told them both that
I'm not sleeping with anyone else.

I am getting myself right back into the whole "talking to
more than one guy at a time thing" I'm talking to three
and I have a feeling this is going to end horribly! I
don't know maybe I can pull myself together and try to
keeps the torch away from the fire for awhile. Maybe then
I can relax and have no troubles.

I'm going to be going back to school soon and I got my
schedule today :). I like all of my classes but I need to
go shopping for dance clothes now. Steven said he would
take me but I don't know if it will be today or tommorrow.
I will have to find out when Abbi calls me. I have enjoyed
my summer so far so hopefully it stays that way :).

Tommy is wanting to party and I invited Steven, gosh I
hope he comes. I kinda do kinda don't because he gets
jealous when other guys are there for some reason. I don't
really know because I know he chills with other girls. I
know he knows I kissed Tommy though. I'm going to have to
stop having sex and kissing Tommy. I think thats one thing
to help out and IDK about Jordan. ughhhh teenage
hormones!!! well I will write back when I get a chance.
Things are all good at the moment lets see how they are
later Friday August 13th 3:26pm