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2010-08-12 13:36:35 (UTC)

i don't think they could tell...

okay last night i went to the cinema on a one-off occasion
with jack, martin and my friend jaqui. we saw inseption.
most confusing 2 and a half hour film i've ever seen!
everyone in it was hell bent on suicide, which kinda hit a
nerve and i got upset but only a little in front of them,
it was nice being able to escape from the boundries of
home, after the film we all went back to jacks and hung out
and had pizza ect. and to be completely honest when jack
was messing around and had his arm round me i felt like i
could stay there forever, it just felt so nice to finally
get a hug, i don't hug my parents or anything here. we had
fun and i lost track of reality, but when people were being
dropped off home reality hit me suddenly and i must have
looked really bloody miserable but i told jack everything
that was going on, he told me he'd be there for me. i feel
kinda guilty about it because sometimes, sometimes i don't
want people to care, i don't always want the help they
offer because after everything sometimes you don't wanna
feel better because you don't want to be alive anymore..if
mum wasn't having a hard time with her back at the moment
then i'd kill myself. i admit it.. everything has finally
gotten to me and i don't know how else to cope. sorry

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