Amber

the distant one
2010-08-12 01:59:05 (UTC)

so called father

this is simple...to me i have no father. I've only meet my
real father four times.he has gone to jail more times then i
care to count.He's gone from drug trafficking to shooting a
cop to strangling his fiancee in front of my half sister who
is only four...i thought he was finally getting somewhere in
life,but i guess i was wrong.baka...now he's out of jail
again, and he wont leave me alone.he kept calling my house
asking for me.he even used my cousin to get me on the phone.
So the next time he calls, my stepfather picked up and they
started to argue...my brother is lucky, he's old enough that
are father thinks he's gone to college.i hate it when people
yell at each other,i hate it when people fight.but i also
hate it when a police officer comes to my door asking for
me.it's happens plenty of times, i should be used to it.Yet
every time, i don't want to open the door.even if i don't
know why their there.but it always comes down to it.it's me.
then we made it so are phone wont let his number or no
caller id through. and before he hung up he said he would
send people.i have to admit, that scares me a bit.i know
what the Allen family can do.yet no matter what he does,he's
just a stranger to me.that may be harsh,but he has a
family,he has a daughter with him.he must be blind.he's
destroying what he has.I know he's my father, he always will
be,but if im sick of just hearing his voice on the phone,
why does he think i would want to live with him?i miss
California,and i hate it i cant go there because of him,no
one will let me.they say he's dangerous.i guess im home
sick.but i cant help that.if i left here where i am, i know
i would feel homesick for this place too.no, not the place,
but the people in it.If only that man had a bit more self
control, maybe life would be different.maybe i should thank
him, if he hadnt been cruel to my mother, i wouldn't have
meet the people i have, seen the places i have.people say im
strong because i handle everything like i have.a mericle im
not messed up.but what ive been through,and what i go
through,it doesn't change who i am,how i am.im strong huh? i
guess in the end i should thank that man...he was the one
who set the dominoes tumbling down to where i am now.ive
been through a lot on my own and by myself.ive learned how
to deal with things.and i keep a lot to my self.and i have
trust issues, and i hate huge crowds of people, but...with
my faults, ive gained so much from what that man set into
motion.even though he's an idiot, he's the one who made my
life come to where it is.father never came out of my mouth
to that man...but thank you, father. weird....thanking him
for being evil. .




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