xxjadeyxx

hurt
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PropellerAds
2010-08-09 13:49:19 (UTC)

regretting it now..

ok at the moment im regretting doing two things :( number
one- having sex on friday. cause i haven't spoken to my
boyfriend since and i kinda feel abit used, because to be
completely honest if it was my choice we wouldn't have sex,
cause thats what our relationships all about at the moment,
sometimes i just wanna talk but if he mentions it then i
feel like i can't let him down and that i want to impress
him :/ i know thats bad but its true and i don't really
tell people that, everyone has the impression im constantly
up for sex but it does make me feel like crap. for example
last week of term i got into an argument with alex, he
refused to say sorry ect. and it was only when i started
crying that he said sorry but by lunch we were having dry
sex in school where no one ever really goes except smokers
who were mainly year 11's but they'd left by then...i felt
bad about myself that day.

two- i cut myself again last night, when im on my own for
too long i think alot and sometimes it gets me really down
so got told to go to bed at 8 and had 3 hours of my own
thoughts, i do it on my lower stomach, and if i didn't tell
them no one would ever know :/ i went slightly over the top
last night and was like gasping in pain cause i really
forced that thing i used against me, in this case a blade
out of a sharpener... im so weird it scares me


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