Miss Lost

Beautiful Disaster
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2010-08-09 00:16:42 (UTC)

Status for the moment.

I can't believe Steven didn't text me back until way later
that night. He did come up and stay with me though and I
think that was totally sweet. He brought my aunt a gram of
coke too so maybe that had something to do with it. Idk.
He was kind of making me feel uncomfortable when he was on
the phone saying it looked like he was going to end up
chilling here. He knew he was going to spend the night
with me what does it matter if other people know? Well I
didn't really tell anyone either so how can I get mad? He
was sweet and lovey dovey on me. He always is when no one
is around.

We really didnt do too much of anything but sit
around and smoke a couple of joints and he gave me a nerve
pill. We went to the mall but it was closed and we ended
up walking in and just looking around. He was so cute when
he climbed on top of that big red tractor and put that
shoebox by his head lol. I wonder when Journey's started
making their shoeboxes look like boomboxes lol.

I kinda feel bad about having sex with him though. He
kinda acts a little bit different after we have had sex
but I can't quite put my finger on what it is exactly.
Maybe I will figure it out one day. I was really sad when
he had to leave earlier. I was enjoying being with him so
much. I dont know why I let myself act that way towards

He did bring me my phone and I finally have my old number
fixed back up. I had a lot of texts from Jordan. He isn't
sry for dumping me over some dumb reason I dont even
remember right now. He never had time for me anyway. I
never had time for him either. I would like to be his
friend though. He was all like "well blah blah blah" idk
what he said but it was lame. He acts like just cause we
don't date he doesnt want to talk to me. I guess I was
just a booty call to him. Idk.

Robbie called me again. He left me a voicemail saying he
wanted to talk to me and its not about anything bad. He's
just trying to start shit and I know it so there's no way
im talking to him about anything. I'm free and I don't
have to so why would I? That's the past and I dont ever
want to look back at it.

I yelled at Tommy earlier but he was asking me so many
questions. He was like "so Steven brought you your
phone" and I was like "yeah" then he was like "oh I was
wondering why you weren't texting me back" and I was
like "yeah my phone died and its still dead" (which it
really wasnt but damn I dont have to text him 24/7) then
he was like "well I got a message from u at 3:36pm then
one at 4:06am how strange!" and I just flew off. I already
put up with that and there is no way im going to date
another robbie. He tried to say he wasnt insinuating
anything but yes he was. I know how guys are and thats
what he was doing. Always making smart ass remarks. He's
not going to do that shit to me and I think he might be
gettng the point now that I yelled at him. He still denies
it though.

Well Becca texted me today. I'm glad I still have my best
friend. She wanted my advice about what to do about Slade.
She told me she heard him saying what was going on between
him and her wasnt anything serious and shit because he
accidently called her in his pocket and left a voicemail.
I told her what I would do and I think if she does it the
right way she will be on a good path to renewing herself
from her last fucked up relationship. I guess I just wish
I had someone to help me renew myself from my fucked up
past relationship. And I don't mean someone else to try
to get in my pants. I want to find out what love really is
and if I really love Steven or not.

I know how Steven is though and if he doesnt sell his car
and pay his probation officer he will be going to prison
for 3 years. He asked me if I would wait for him. I told
him yes but I mean we're not even together so why did I
say that? Why did he ask that? I don't really know almost
everything I thought I knew has been wrong and my
judgement is getting kinda hazy. Well im going to download
some music. Write back when life hits hard
again. Sunday August 8th 8:17pm