Miss Lost

Beautiful Disaster
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2010-08-07 01:31:54 (UTC)

Thinking on some things

Yes I am totally in love with Steven. I've thought about
him all day even though the asshole didnt even text me. He
went to court and cheyenne said he wouldnt tell her what
happened and come to think of it he didn't tell me either
even though I asked. Oh well I hope its nothing bad even
though i have a strong feeling it is. I wish i knew what
he thought about me. I hope he thinks good things. Even
while he's flirting with other girls or making up stories
about flirting with other girls to try to make me jealous.
I think it's cute but it does kinda make me jealous.
Sometimes I can just laugh it off though. I would love to
hear his voice right now and just know that he thought
about me enough to call me.

I'm glad Tommy is going to be going off to work. He will
be out of town for two weeks and only home 3 days then off
for two more weeks. I will not have to worry about him
being all over me because he will be gone and I will
barely see him. Maybe he will find another girl to fall
hoplessly in love with. I hope someone else has to break
his heart not me.

I will be starting school soon and hopefully me giving
jesse head won't have made it too far even though Alex
knew and she lives forever away and only associates with
one other person from around here. That means my school
rep is trash! I will fix it though I always do and maybe
Ryan wouldnt have told too many people about my giving him
3 hand jobs last semester. If all my business gets out
then I will be known as slut of the school. I'll deny it
all except the Jesse part and be like so fuckin what I
gave Jesse head havent you sucked a dick before???
Hopefully that works because thats the only thing im
owning up to and everyone thinks jesse is totally cooll so
maybe some brownie points towards my rep? Only my getting
fucked up rep cause thats also going in there because its
true. I was fucked up when I gave him head. But I wasnt
fucked up when I told him I wanted to give him head a week
after giving him head. Im such a screw up. Face it I love
sex and boys and new guys all the time. Maybe if I just
start doing guys outside the area code that I will never
see again then my rep won't go down and my business can be
my business and all these little bitches wont go running
their mouth about what I did or who I was with. I don't
know why they care so much anyway.

I hope Hanna don't think she's my best friend anymore
cause she's not! I can't believe she would sleep with
Robbie right after we broke up. Thats fucked up. It doesnt
matter though that cunt can have my sloppy seconds and
good thing I hated him or I would really want to whoop her
ass but hey all in all she done me a favor. Ratted herself
out that she's not a good friend and got rid of ass wipe
for me. Now if only he would quit calling on private. He
talked so much shit about that fat bitch ramanda and then
he gets back with her. Ha he's just going to use her for a
car a place to live and food just like he done me. Bad
thing is that she already went through it once and she's
going to do it again. Think she would get some common
sense.

Thats what I need to look at and realise I do not
want Steven back. He had his chance and he fucked it up.
Im on to better things now. I just need to keep my head on
straight so I can make it there. I still just cant believe
that anyone would pick some nasty fat bitch over my sexy
tan ass. ugh he disgusts me more and more. I know im not
the hottest but im prettier than that chick. I can't wait
until he see's me in my new car with my new hot bf with
his own car and us kissing and having fun. He's going to
hate that day and im going to love it. He thinks he is
pissing me off bringing that bitch ramanda around but im
just laughing cause i know what shes going through and she
is probably talking shit too.

James said I can through a party at his house the next
time his parents are out of town and im wayy excited about
it. I can get plenty of alcohol and invite plenty of
people. It will be so insane. I just hope no one breaks
anything in his house lolo its huge! it's going to be so
awesome. Im going to invite all my friends and he can
invite all the people he wants to and maybe he will invite
some hot guys :)

ugh can i not stop thining about boys for one minute? I
need to relax and just focus on school. haha its summer no
fuckin wayy im gonna party my ass off after i get home
from my aunts and every weekend of the school
week and maybe even some schoolnights :) im going to be a
senior and i already made all the bad mistakes so i know
what to do and what not to do so im about to live it up!!
I'm excited. Hopefully I get a job soon so I can buy the
system for my car and all that shit. Then I can party
harder cause i will have more money. I mean shit I smoke,
drink, and pop pills for free because everyone around me
shares with me and never complains about it. I'm so lucky.
I'm going to get them back when I get money though they
know im good to them when I can be.

Steven just texted me and asked what I was doing. Good to
know he has thought about me :) it makes me happy. I can
just have him as a summer love for now and when i get a bf
split and thats not cold cause when he gets a gf hes going
to split. It's unsaid but we both know. I hope we both
know it though.
Tommy is texting me about a red bmw for sale for $2,900 on
a website I found. He couldnt afford to fix it if it broke
so he shouldnt try to buy it but you have to let everyone
learn their own lessons.

I wish I could date Taylor Lautner and he could
just hold me in his huge sexy arms and make everything
better :) that is my fantasy, nothing sexual just being
cared for. Hey it will never happen but a girl can dream
can't she? Steven hasnt tected me back. It will probably
take him forever. Im going to lay in the spare room for
awhile and hope to get a chance to smoke a cig before bed.
write back when more details surface or i get high and
start thinking again Friday August 6th 9:31pm


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