Miss Lost

Beautiful Disaster
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2010-08-06 14:46:35 (UTC)

Life at the moment

Im so confused about everything! My 17 year old hormones
have really got me this time I ruined something I could
have made perfect. I finally got rid off that piece of
shit Robbie and I was free. Free! why the hell did I go
and get drunk and start flirting with Tommy? I dont think
he's cute and I don't like him. Now he's in love with me
and he says age is just a number? My mom would kill me if
she was still alive and knew i was talking to a 25 year
old! He knows I lie to him about things but he sits there
and pretends like im telling the truth. It's pathetic. I
guess thats what I get for sleeping with him.I think he
gets it that we're just friends but maybe not. I hope he
does. I hate that I said that I didnt want to date anyone
and he wants to wait but i sat and told him again and
again that I didn't want him to wait but he insisted on it
and convinced me its his own choice to wait and i need to
remember that. He said it was his choice that makes it ok
right? since im being totally honest, well if i was
totally honest and really told him the truth about Jordan.
it was just a fling though, you know talk a week and
within that time sleep with him and date him 4 days while
blowing off tommy then coming up with a compleltley lame
excuse for the small hicky on the side of my neck. I
don't even know y he talks to me.

On top of all of that i know i
still love Steven. Hanging out with him makes me feel so
good inside. I love him with all my heart but he done me
wrong so why do i care for him? I know everything he tells
me is bullshit so why even have feelings? We we're
young when we dated but it was only 2 years ago we're
still young and i am not going through another heatrbreak
with that asswipe. I just hope when I get around him I can
still have that same feeling and i dont just melt like an
ice cube in the oven. Im so scared I will. Hopefully I
don't. Somehow im stupid enough to let him talk me into
things? how do I let him do that! I need to get my life
together. Now how do you do that? I dont fuckin know. I
have slept with 5 guys already and I only planned for 1.
what now? Write more when i let life bitch slap me again,
so probably soon. Friday August 6th 10:46am

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