lost-527

How to spend given 90 days
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2010-08-02 16:46:58 (UTC)

Day8: Came back and Reality

I feel my small break in my hometown was a dream now.
When mom came to send me off at the station, I saw her
crying, worried about letting me go with this sick
situation.

Got on the train, now I am alone, need to stand up with my
own feet again, nobody to support me.

While my trip to tokyo, I kept on researching travel plans
on internet with mobile.
I need to make some plan for several trips. For my
parents' 30 years marital anniversary, trip with mom in
this late summer, visiting my friend in France ( if she
accepts..). No concrete plans yet, but need to keep
searching.

Arrived tokyo, nothing seemed different.
I felt I woke up from " a dream ".

There is something I've got kinda irritated about.
It was around 5pm Monday, I got on to Yamanote train, saw
many salary men / women going home!!
I needed to stay in the office till the last train and get
paid the same with those guys ???!!! What is my life ?
I used to think, it's very important to even sacrifice my
private life to keep working well with my heavy tasks.
But, now I am determined not to pressure myself for work
any more. No rewards back ! I just want to enjoy after 5pm
like other ppl do.

I just opened work PC, and checked the emails since I left
last weekend. I expected ( and was afraid) there would be
some encouraging comments from co-workers, but ,,,,
not really. I didnt get any comments from co-workes.
I am sure, my absense was disclosed to people in my
division last Monday, and they must have been surprised.
And, they dont send me any comments because they dont want
to hurt me, or stimulate my feelings etc.. I understand.

As expected, there were many e-mails sent to me from
clients all over the world. It seemed my long term absense
was already announced to some of them.

Everyday goes on without me,
tasks are solved without me,
company is fine without me.

These facts tells me that I don't have to sacrifice my
life for this job, I just should do what I can contribute
to this company. I learnt important thing, there is
nothing if I break my feelings, health because of this job.

There was one encouraging e-mail from general manager of
my division.(top of the division).
He was so sorry for not knowing me struggling with the
given tasks, and I am a patient who needs to see the
doctor once in certain term. He wants me to forget work,
and just enjoy my holidays, going abroad, starting
something, and go back to work with lots of energy.

Well, that's what I am expecting as well !
I feel releaved to read his e-mail. I kinda felt bad about
planning trips during this holiday, because I am supposed
to be " SICK ". But, I feel totally ok with it !

Tomorrow, early morning, I will go see the doctor.
Go dentistry.

And then hmmmmmm clean my room !

ciaos.



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