smileiloveyou

hikari nikku
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Ezoic
2010-08-01 05:07:26 (UTC)

Dear Mum:::You lie too much.

I don't get it mum. You tell me to talk to you when I need
someone there, but all you ever do is criticize my venting.
You blame me for feeling the way I do, then yell and argue
with me. It's not fair, I'm always here for you. Even at
your worst moments, but I guess that's why we've never had a
real "mother/daughter" relationship. We act like we're
friends er something, or sisters that constantly bicker. Yet
when you're upset you're more like my daughter, I pay extra
attention too. My whole life I've been trying to make you
happy, but I don't think you really do appreciate it. I'm
happy that you have a new boyfriend, he seems to be a great
guy, and you two always have the best times together. I
don't know, I guess I just miss you sometimes. I'm out with
my friends because there really isn't anything there for me
at the house, when I'm home you two are upstairs I barely
ever have an actual conversation with you. so whenever we
do, I guess you just get irritated and want to cause a
fight. For three years now I've lived in this awkward family
life style. You and dad are split, but living in the same
house. Dad's got his girlfriend, and you've got your
boyfriend. Dad's always at work till late so even when he
does stay home at the house I'm either away or he's too
tired to want to talk. Then you two always have the worst
arguments. I swear you're like a pair of children, and I'm
tired of having to be in the middle of it. I'm tired of
hearing you two talk trash behind each others backs to me no
less.. honestly what am I suppose to say. So I take care of
my little brother. I almost find it offensive though when
either you or dad tries to actually act like my parent. If
you can't play the role 24/7 don't bother at all. Especially
you mum! I'm tired of you assuming you know what's going on
in my head. Whether you realize it or not, you've said
multiple things that have scarred me over the years. Yes you
may not exactly be physically abusive, but our relationship
isn't really there. Part of me feels like this whole mess
was somehow my fault. I could have done something to make
this easier. Right now though, I almost don't want to do
anything. I kind of want to simply go away. It'd be better
than dealing with this. No matter what you say mum&dad next
summer I am going to Oregon, and I hope its a much better
fit than here. Because there is no doubt in my mind, I won't
live here forever... There is nothing you can do or say now
that could stop me from moving. My life has no general
course of direction, so I don't really mind where it takes me.


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