Lovely

lovely
2010-07-31 22:31:36 (UTC)

i never knew.

I never knew what I know now abt my mom. I didn't know that she was raped by a family member when she was younger. The only reason I know is because I read a letter that she was writing to the person who raped me for many years. She was writing him a leetter and sending him money and all types of things. Despite the fact that she knows that he hurt me. She doesn't care. She called me a liar. She told me that she didn't believe me and that he would never do that to me. The only person who was, and still is always willing to listen is my Spanish teacher Mrs. Tisa. If I stay after school with her and we are alone then we sit and discuss my feelings on it. She always let me sit there and just express how I feel. She never judged me and whatever I told her stayed between her and I. She hugged me when I was sad, she was willing to take care of me she was literally the mother I neVer had. All she ever wanted to do was make me happy. She didn't care at the fact that my mother was some dumb ass who was on drugs. She didn't care that my mom wanted to fight her. And she helped me when I told her my mother intentionally tries to hurt me. If I'm ever in trouble she helps me get through it. The point is she saw past all of that and only wanted to help me. She always told me "I only have your best interest in mind" and I thank her for that.
Like with my therapist, I can't come and tell her that I was raped the majority of my life. If I do she'l tell my mom and my mom already turned a lot of ppl against me for it. But I don't want to tell my therapist anymore. I don't think she will judge me for it but I'm just too scared to open my mouth and tell her. I don't even think she understands even though she claims that she does. If I didn't feel like my world would crash and burn if I told her then I would speak up. She's




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