ana7.5

My Journey
2010-07-29 19:46:26 (UTC)

Day 2. Ugh this is not going well!!

UGH!!!!
I'm tryoing so hard to do well, and each mornin I'm so
optimistic, but by lunch time, I'm already feeling the
strain of it! I think I'm going to have to resort to taking
the Alli pills again, just so I can see a difference! Well,
I'm going to wait until Wednesday, which is my weigh day,
and then decide what to do. But things aren't looking good!

My boyfriend has finally agreed to go on holiday next year,
and yeah I know it is next year, but at least I have
something to work towards, and also a long time goal.

I've been trying to decide what it is that is making me want
to eat, it's like now even though I have just finished my
tea (weight watchers) and had a nectarine, I'm absolutely
starving. But I think it is because I have just spent the
past however long writing about food!! So probably, the
idea of me thinking I'm hungry, I should eat, is really
because I'm subconcsiously thinking about my diet, my body,
and how I wish I did look!! At the moment I@m feeling so
down about this whole thing..... Infact, I'm going to weigh
myself now, it's late at night and I'm probably going to
have put on weight throughout the day etc, but I don't know,
maybe I'm some kind of masochist and enjoy hurting myself!!
Wish me luck........

Haha, current weight: 136 pounds!!
Well that has certainly cheered me up, as the tesco advert
states, "every little helps!" And the crazy thing is, my
gym has just rang me to remind me about my health MOT that I
have tomorrow. Well I definately feel better now. Its been
decided now that I can have my Nintendo Wii in my room too,
so when I get a bit of spare cash I'm going to buy Wii Fit.
At least that way I can use it on night that I haven't been
to the gym.

Sorry I'm just rambling now, just really happy that I've
lost that little bit of weight!

I haven't told anyone that I am writing this, or that I'm
dieting, as I think they are all expecting me to fail. Hell
even I'm expecting it,. I'd like after 2 weeks to be less
than 9 and a half stone though to be honest. I don't think
that's doing too much.

I'm sorry if you think I sound obsessed with this, and I
suppose in a way I am. I just have got so tired of the not
looking in a mirror because I no longer think I'm pretty, or
having people accidently refer to me as being fat, or even
people doing it on purpose. One of the worst people for it
is my own mother. She never says "you're fat" but, basically
she lost a lot of weight very quickly, and is tiny now, and
anything I eat, or drink or even look at, she gives me a
look to say you shouldn't be eating that. And if I've been
to the gym she's very patronzing saying things like "oh well
good for you, you're trying" that personally is one of the
worst things that she, or anyone else can say.

My other relationships in life are good though, I have a
best friend although she doesn't actually live in the UK at
the moment which is hard, but I enjoy having random chats
with her. And erm, my boyfriend: well he's lovely, he
doesn't care about what I look like, as long as I'm happy he
says. But he doesn't understand I'm not happy, and although
he's not done anything wrong, and says all the right things,
he just seem to be as interested in me anymore! we have been
together for a really long time, and I know I've been a pain
by moaning about my weight. Which isn't going to be nice for
him. So if I really try with this, and make progress, then
I won't be complaining, and I'll start getting some body
confidence back!!

One thing that is quite funny about my weight now. MY face
seems to have stretched.... it's not pleasant. You gotta
laugh though.

Well I'll be back on in 2 nights. Thanks for letting me
natter!!

Love to you all xxxxxxxxxxxx




Ad: