build up memoires
2010-07-29 04:05:55 (UTC)


don't you get sometimes annoy that the parent cares too much
and sometimes they just overreact, and drives you banana?
mine does. And what's the worse right now? One word.
College. Oh college.... the pain in my ass. the ghost that
haunts me day and night. The nightmare that terrorize my
beautiful dreams.
To be honest. i am not ready for a commitment. I'm not ready
for a commitment to my life, nor to my education. I am still
on the hold of things. Figuring what is right and what is
the best for my future. I'm nineteen but deep inside, i'm
still scared. But i know with a little time with real and
visual experience, i will be able to determine what i really
want. Right now, my parents are having "the talk" with my
parent's friend about my college's future. You know what?
it's fucking embarrassing to me? i'm not ready for college,
it's a family and personal business! stop spreading it
around! do you guys want the whole world to know that i
messed up my life?? My dad was sad for 2 hours, but then he
knew what he was saying. I had pressure. its true. i was
pressured. everyday, i heard my mom moaning about college,
moaning about life after college, moaning about everything!
what can i do? i can't do something if she only calls me
irresponsible, or stupid, or bird brain, blah blah blah! my
mom cares, but i think she is overreacting. but i can't help
it. she's my mom. And that what mom does, they over care.
But omg! mommy! chill! i promise you that however i chose my
path, i will be able to live a good life. And i'm pretty
sure is what all children want their parent to know. Today,
us children can't promise much to their parents. We can't
promise them we will be billionaire or heroes, but we can
promise them that we will be able to manage our life as
independent human beings in this world. And i must admit. I
don't hang out much with my dad or talk to him about my
personal life, but piece by piece, he understands me a lot.
People are right, dads are always the best. pain in the ass,
yes. hell, sometimes. Useless, no and never. But, right now,
one thing sure for sure. At this very moment, at this very
moment typing this, i am SICK OF LISTENING ABOUT
COLLEGE!!!!!! it's like in the world, everything got stable
and it's all about me, i love the attention but not this
kind of intention.
I still don't get it... is it a problem to not know yet what
we want to study, is it a bad idea to take a 6 months gap to
decide what;s the best for my future? Is it bad that at 19,
you don't want to go to the fall term?
Why is my life is such a dull now. I can't believe that this
summer is the worse of the bunch ( apart from japan)...
Oh gosh, do you want to know the worse part, is that i can't
confront anybody when it comes to the C-topic. I just try to
avoid as much... what do they want me to say?that i don't
know what i want yet? that is all what i can think off right
now! they can't just give me the same speech everyday for 2
hours. It's frustrating... This is really freaking me out
more and more... i am more and more scare...What should i do