New Life
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2010-07-28 09:20:51 (UTC)

28th July 2010

So..yesterday not such a good day for the diet. Did well in
the morning, only a cereal bar for breakfast and then some
soup for lunch. Then I forgot my soup for dinner, and being
lazy ordered kids pizza from the restaurant, I did leave
most of the chips. Then had such a rubbish night at work I
came home and ate crisps and biscuits!! However me and D did
go play badminton in the morning and felt really knackered
after it!

Didn't do any housework yesterday either, so was pretty lazy
day all in all.

I'm going to do some washing today and a little ironing. I'm
also going to go to the library where I discovered they've
got books on film, I would like to learn more about the
history, set up a hitlist of important films to watch and
understand. It can only stand me in good stead for this course.

Work was frustrating last night, nothing is moving forwards.
I tried to speak to John and he just said they are going to
sort it when he gets back from his holiday. I really am
going into another cycle of hating the place. I really dont
know what else I can do, what ways to work harder or more
efficiently to make people see I'm ready to move on to the
next level. I feel like they are just fobbing me off at
everyturn. I reall don't know whether to just do this course
full time and get a bar job in the evenings. They pay would
be the same, the pressures woud be less and I could get the
degree in 2 years rather than three. I will chat to D about
this today and see what he thinks.

On another note, still cannot stop thinking about you know
who. C got it right, I want to have my cake and eat it. I
love D so much, and i love coming home to him, watching tele
with him, having him as my boyfriend, but i just dont feel
that pull in my tummy towards him. I don't know if that has
just gone with time, or if it was ever really there at all.
But then again, when I was kissing him yesterday it was
there. And I think I'm kidding myself with ykw anyway, not
interested in me in the slightest. O my messed up head is no
use to anyone.

ANyway its not almost half 10 and I'm still not up!!
Hopefully to day will bring more progress!