lost-527

How to spend given 90 days
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2010-07-26 15:19:10 (UTC)

Day1: Start of diary

It was out of blue,,,
I have been diagnosed by company doctor that I have mental
depression.

I am (I believe ) totally fine, I can handle normal amount
of work, I don't feel sick when I go to work, I have no
fear in meeting people. I don't think there is anyting
wrong with me.

I am totally surprised, how doctors could give me this
diagnosis, let me escape from work, and gave me this "
free time ", which is 90 days!!

I am still being partially paid by company, because,
officially, I am " a patient who is damaged by
overwhelmingly hard work".

I actually registed against the doctor's decision,
because
I didn't want to be thought I am a weak or could not
handle the work in the end.... but now I feel luckly
myself, becuase it's not so normal to be given such long
"
vacation " time that you can use as you want.

I left work as doctor advised.
I am supposed to go back to the docotor's office next
week
then I will be told details... but estimately, I am off
work until Oct.25th or so.

So far, I would like to do followings;

* Keep this diary everyday
* Spend as much time as I can with my family
* Clean tidy up my messy room
* Go to Yoga everyday ( or at least every other day)
* Go visit my friends abroad
* Learn Chinese (Hopefully stay in China for enough time
to get to speak fluently)
* Go visit famoust fortune teller
* Loost at leat 5 kgs
* Job-hunting
* Find somebody that I care for ( again )
* At least get certification or License of any kind


TODAY = Day3 (If I start counting from the next day I left
work)
Day 1:
Came back to hometown, spend time with family
Day 2:
Forgot what I did... basically woke up late, did
nothing... Oh, but I took my dog a walk, and I cooked
dinner for my family. I went to see my dear aunt living
next door, and talked to her, kinda felt releaved my
worries and stress.

Day3(today):

Woke up around 10 I guess. Cooked easy breakfast for
myself. My family were gone for work.

I cooked lunch for my dad who came back from his office
located my family's house, and my mom who came back from
my grandfather's hospital.

Took a break with my aunt and mom.

Washed my dog because it was very sunny and though she
wanted to take some shower. I thought she would not like
it, but she seemed very happy.
I cooked dinner for my family.

I wrote my doctor about my feelings.
---------------------------------------------------------
I really wished I could run away from work, but now that I
dont have to do it any more, I feel so uneasy... feel
like, I am not wanted, or I have nowhere to go back
(although I am not resigned or anything).
I now realized how I let my work inside myself.

I want to be strong, even out of such organization.
I want to be myself, I want to stand on my own feet.

My ex used to scold me, I am so spoiled.
Maybe he is right. I feel nothing apart from my position
of in my company.
----------------------------------------------------------

Tomorrow's plan;

7:45 wake up
9:00 go for grocery shopping with my aunt
10:00-11:45 no plan
11:45 Cook lunch for family
13:00 Done dishes
14:00 Clean ground father's room with mom
15:00 break
16:00~ No plan

* Take a walk with dog
* Clean some part of my family's house ( to help them)

Hmmmm No plan yet. Maybe I should take some more break,
since it's only 4th day being apart from work.

OK, enough, I think I will take a sleeing pill and go to
sleep. :)



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