counturblssings

Accepting My Fate
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2010-07-24 19:03:18 (UTC)

I don't understand myself

I am so confused right now. I just found out that my
exhusband is engaged to be married. We divorced years ago
when I was just 20. We've talked several times since then
as friends. I've always known since then that I regretted
our marriage ending. I was the dumper not the dumpee. In
fact, to date, it is the only thing I have had sincere
regret about. He was my first love, my first a lot of
things. We were high school sweet hearts. Because of
what I did to him and because I care I do want him to be
happy. However, when reading this news on a post on fb so
many feelings came flooding to me. I just want to cry. I
don't understand it. I feel angry, sad, anxious, and
more. I made myself wish him congratulations but all I
could think of was what???? I mean. I know that he's
dated and had a couple of serious relationships since ours
ended. I even knew that eventually he'd remarry. He's a
good guy with and education, a home, and he's attractive.
It's still just a hard pill to swallow. Am I being
selfish? Am I being petty? Is this normal to feel these
things ten years later? I was even angry that my brother
congratulated him as if he were "choosing sides" or
something. I don't feel angry at Patrick. I guess that
some small part of my heart was still holding onto him and
to that part of my past. I guess it's time to really let
go.


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