Cheyenne Flint

Jumbled and Scraps of Thoughts
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2010-07-21 17:03:41 (UTC)

Still Cracked

My heart still hurts. Even though we talked and we are
trying to work this all out. It hurts to always be
wondering, always be on edge wondering when someone is
going to just say get out or it's over I changed my mind I
don't want you anymore.

Everytime the phone rings, or a email comes, or a text
message, or he walks through the door.

Walking around doing things wondering if it's going to
trigger something in him to make him change his mind. He
is a very unhappy person deep within and although I love
him he will never be happy with anyone because he is
unhappy with himself at such a deep level.

He is so mean. He can be very nice. But he is so mean.

I try to imagine living my life without having him in it
and it just was such an ugly picture. I'm so tired, tired
in my spirit of problems. Tried of trying to be just a
little bit happy for just a moment.

I can't help but wonder when the end of our marriage will
come and I will die a certain death. It's like he is
trying to make me feel the same pain he felt when I broke
up with him all those years ago.