Confessions of a married woman
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2010-07-21 15:18:15 (UTC)


For the first time in a long time I'm so ashamed of
myself. I've been on multiple dating sites tryign to find
someone compatible with me. I have met lot of guys most
of them just looking for one thing. About 3 weeks ago this
one guy messaged me and he wasn't the greatest looking guy
but he had carisma. Great sense of humor and it looked
like he had his shit together. Yea he started off being
really blunt basically asking to sleep with me without
hesitation. I didn't go with his flow and just kept
giving him the run around. He said he wanted to meet me
and we finally did on the 4th of July. We met half way
because he lives about 40 miles away from me. We met we
chatted every word that came out of his mouth was soo
interesting. He's had a life full of ups and downs and
bullshit which is what made him who he is today I guess he
is half Russian and half Lebanese. He is very handsome
and at first he didnt really interest me physically. I
liked his way of thinking his life the way he talked.
That day we met he decided to kiss me and we did, he was a
great kisser, very passionate. Soft lips soft tounge he
had it. We went our separate ways, we continued emailing
and texting and being on the phone with each other and I
really enjoyed our converstations which a lot of the times
were very sexual but other times were very serious. We
told each other how I really wanted to see each other and
finally we came around to it on Monday, he came to my area
to take me to lunch, we had a wonderful time. We sat
together.. he touched me at the table.. kissed me as if no
one was watching... he shared his food and we exchanged
looks and touchs ... I hadn't felt like this in a long
time. I took like an hour and a half lunch and I loved
every minute of it. He texted me an hour later adn asked
me if I was off work already and I said that i was
wrapping up, he wanted to see me again and hang out... so
he asked if I could meet him in his area as he didnt have
anyone to pick up his son from school, I had no problem so
I drove to his area, unbelievably he asked me to meet him
at his office (I mean what kind of guy lets a girl know
where he works?) I waited for him outside while he
finished doing whatever it was he was doing and asked me
why I didn't come inside. I told him I was shy. He asked
if he wanted me to drive or if we wanted to ride in his
car. I was fine with driving. We went to the bay area
and parked, we made out in the car for a while... it felt
so good. About half an hour later we got outta the car
and continued outside.. I felt like teen again. we
finally decided to go get a drink... and we were walking
on the board walk, laughing, teasing, kissing... sparks
allover. I could see how much he wanted me and I kept
teasing him it was fun. It felt good. Finally we stepped
inside this bar sat outside and we talked and flirted
and... kissed I got a lil tipsy so I got liquid courage...
and kissed him and touched him some more... i sorta
staddled him.. and.. he was going crazy. We had a great
time. Finally we left, I dropped him off at his office,
we went inside.. and continued talking, kissing,
flriting.. and one thing lead to another... and I couldnt
control myself any longer... and well I gave it up to
him. I asked him what type of person would he think I was
if this happened. He said looking me straight in the
eyes, "nothing, nothing is going to change" of course
like a dumbass I believed him. His eyes hyptontized me..
and I wanted him as much as he wanted me... it was so
awesome, so great, felt so natural.. I felt so comfrotable
with him... in his arms... his lips and hands allover
me... it felt right. Next day I send him a text thanking
him for a great day and how much I loved hanging out with
him because he was so much fun and hoping that his son was
better. I didn't hear from him. Eight hours later... he
texted me back.."sorry I didnt text you earlier... my son
was admitted last night but he is much better." I just
texted him back "good to know"... that was the end of
that .. he hasn't messaged me like we had every day for
hours.. he hasn't texted me.. he didnt say he felt the
same.. I mean I don't get it.. he claimed to be VERY BLUNT
and .. in the end he pulls this shit? I guess he isn't as
blunt as he was. I asked him, "is this all you want me
for, be honest" he said, no but that he wasn't promising
anyting... I asked like what.. he said, like a
relationship or you know.. I didnt want him to promise me
a relationship I just wanted for us to be a littlebit more
than friends... I guess not. I think I really fell for
this guy because I've been crying.. what the fuck is wrong
with me!??! I felt for anyone why him? I'm crying like a
dumbass kicking myself in the ass because I gave it to
him.. I should of waited and maybe accomplished soemthing
better with him, but I was also afraid to lose him if I
didn't give it up to him.. he said.. that once he backed
off that was it and I was enjoying his company toomuch for
him to do that, so I guess I took my chances. He shared
so much stuff with me... that he said that he didnt know
why he was telling me all this stuff that he had never
told anyone except his wife... is it true? I dont know..
I want to believe it is. I knew he was a player, but I
thought I was a little bit more special... haha who am I
kidding.... anyway i just pray and hope to hear back from
him. I'm not the type of person that is clingy and that
is going to be blasting his phone with messages. I will
let it go not matter how much it is hurting. I can't
believe that I'm crying for this guy I hardly know him.
what the fuck... I need to get my shit together and bury
this. Fuck him. He's great, yes, but is he worth my
tears? No. I told myself I'd never cry for a guy again
and look at me... I just wish I would of done things
differently. Oh well.. shit happens. But one thing I do
promise. that is the last time this will happen to me. I
don't care if I'm a dildo user for months at a time. I'm
done giving it up to guys I don't care for. I cared for
this one so much that I gave it to him thinking he was a
little bit different, but fuck that! I mean seriously
guys.. do you think he will even call/message me/text
me..back? What is your guy's time frame? If there is
anyone that I want to call me back it is him. *sigh* Why
is life so fucking complicated?