2010-07-20 00:08:08 (UTC)

making friends

As a child I was painfully shy and I allowed people to walk
over me. As I got older and graduated High school I became
confident that I didn't need friends because most of them
were two-faced and were more enemy-like than real friends
that could whole heartly accept me as a person. I got mixed
with a shady crowd that understood me. Now that I'm married
and into a new territory and I don't know anyone, I have
found myself to have no confidence or self esteem and have
reverted back to painfully shy and letting people walk over
me. It just happens that this new place happens to be a
very small town that has cliques and lifelong friendships
have been established and people have taken one look at me
and decided that I am not allowed into a clique of any
sort. I tell my husband that I just don't fit in here and
it bothers me that I can't seem to make friends. He gets
upset and says Im not trying hard enough. Im not really
sure how much harder I could try without being annoying.
Does he want me to walk up to random people and follow them
around like a shadow and say "talk to me" "lets be
friends" Thats crazy. I wish he would be more supportive..

So in a little bit, I am going to meet some new people. One
gal happens to be the same age as me except she already has
kids. I will keep my fingers crossed that we hit it off and
maybe I will have a new chummy.