Smileek

smileek
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2010-07-19 22:18:25 (UTC)

Married frustrations

I have been married for 10 months. Let me tell you the
battles that I never thought I would have to get into! I
have fought them numerous times! There are sooo many times
I have tried to walk away to calm down and he won't let
me!!
He wants to battle and I want to breathe and contemplate
the situation. There will be times where we will go a
couple weeks without arguing because both of us are
extremely busy in our lives that the only time we spend
together is when we are about to go to sleep at night.

We just spent all weekend at home with a house-guest that
lives approximately 3 hours away and I am very embarassed
to say that we fought the ENTIRE time this guest was here.
I apologized numerous times, and Yet there is nothing I can
possibly do to take back the humilation I have :(
This is my fault just as bad as it is his but there was
really nothing that could be avoided. I do love him, I am
not sure what the problem is besides we never make time for
us.

I really love him but I am afraid that if we don't do
something then we may end up divorced. P.s-I offered to go
to couseling sessions and he declines and tells me that it
will ruin his reputation and he would rather get a divorce
:(


Our arguements this past weekend were absolutely
ridiculous! And "YES! MOST ARGUMENTS ARE!!"

lets start with SITUATION#1:

He has some secret crush on my house guest and BFF because
she is very attractive. He loves the fact that she sleeps
in the buff and..... so does he.
I don't and.... I have no desire to. my hubby likes to walk
around in our house in the buff when my friends are here to
get a reaction out of them. He thinks its funny and when
one of my friends makes any seductive joke to him he feels
they are hitting on him and he tells me it makes him
uncomfortable and he still proceeds to walk around the
house in the buff. So my friend stays the weekend. he once
again walks through the house in the buff right infront of
my friend. This instantly pisses me off. I take off out of
my seat upstairs (away from the houseguest) where he is
putting clothes on and I call him out on this act of nudess
(sort of speaking). He is instantly defensive and then
starts bringing up how I hate the town we live in (and yes
this makes no sense to the current arguement I have with
him). We never actually finished this arguement and we
started a new arguement.

SITUATION #2:

My mother in-law and father in-law and
hubby provide volunteer work every weekend in out town at
the races. I am a nurse and often find myself working these
weekends and I don't work get to volunteer hardly ever to
help out. Our entire Family recieves an award and must
stand infront of the community to accept this award. After
our arguement in the above paragraph we began to argue that
I didn't feel qualified to stand with the hardworking
family that helped the community to recieve this award,
infact I really did nothing and it morally bothered me a
lot to recieve an award I didn't earn. Hubby was ticked
about my morals because I am family and it doesn't matter
that I did nothing and they did everything. He told me not
to bother to show up to accept the award before this event.
I know that if I didnt go, I would not only have another
arguement with hubby later but I would have to deal with
the in-laws too. lets face it, I have no support system so
its a war me vs my hubby and parents and entire community.
When I arrived to the place I tried my hardest to put on a
smile though I wanted to rearrange his face. As I walk up I
watch him bitch about me infront of a bunch of people and I
got numerous looks and glances from people that knew me and
I don't know them since it isnt my hometown. I wanted to
disappear so bad. How hard is it to keep marital arguements
out of the entire world and keep it in the marriage?!?!?!!!
I have to survive in his world and now I have a big freakin
whole that I have to bail out. I begged one of the ticket
takers at the fair to let me help later and that did make
me feel a little better but its still there. On the way
home I stopped at the bar with my houseguest and we got a
shot of alcohol and I got yelled at when I got home. There
is literally nothing I can do right in his eyes.

SITUATION #3:

We went to see his grandma in the hospital, on the
way...me, the house guest (lets call her Sara) and husband
(George) made plans with other mutual friends of ours to
get together and have some drinks. We make it to the
hospital and the in-lawns who had been there most the
afternoon asked us to hang out with grandma until they got
back from their dinner date. two hours later(nearly 6pm)
the in-laws get back and george wants to do some shopping
before we make the 2 hour drive home. We argued about plans
that I had made before the trip and somehow the entire day
was ruined because George couldn't go shopping. George made
it very clear that when we got home I was to make him
shrimp scampi, steak with blue cheese on it before me and
sara were to go see our friend. Soon enough, the in-laws
called george on the way home and told him he was to do
chores. Once again, george's plans change and now me and
sara are to immediately go to the friends house and when we
get home we would make him this supper he wants. We leave @
8:30 and he never tells us a suitable time to get home. I
notice the clock @ 10:18 make the comment that we should be
going and then a conversation gets changed, when i look at
the clock again I notice that Its 11:08 and put my foot
down to our friends and sara that we have to go home. I
call george as we are leaving. His voice sounded muffled as
if he were sleeping. In an irritated voice he says " It is
almost 11:30! You should have been home 3 hours ago, fuck
dinner!" call ended instantly. I am instantly irriated
with this dramatic behavior and I choose to not argue for
the sake of sara when we make it home. When I enter the
darkened house, I walk upstairs to our bedroom, as i enter
our room I am sure to bite my tongue to make sure that we
don't argue infront of sara. george is unfortuantely awake
as I enter the darkened room. He begins to ask me random
questions that I block from my head concentrating even more
on not responding to his verbal attacks. I quickly and
quietly grabbed my pj's and a pillow and exit the room.
george, who is instantly irritated begins charging out of
the room after me, verbal insults regarding my selfish acts
of not being home sooner to make supper. How our friends
had to get up in the morning and I kept them up because I
wouldn't leave. These comments hit me hard, I defend myself
unsuccessfully. He tells me that he is done dealing with me
and the "divorce" word exits his mouth. I am not suprised
at all. I don't believe I can keep anyone who isn't totally
happy in a relationship with me, if george wants out...I
won't stop him though it will hurt bad. I tell him that he
can get the papers ready and I will sign. This hits him
harder below the belt and he instinctively reacts making
the comment "and you don't even care!!". Its amazing that I
feel like I have sacrificed sooo much and have done so much
for him in this marriage that I am not even the person I
once knew very well. I use to be a person who had the
nickname "smiley" and yet I am lucky to smile 2 times a
week. He has sooo many demands, my only demand was that I
want kids. I know that I am a bad person to want to bring
kids into a situation of verbal battery, however...I had a
miscarriage 5 years ago and haven't been pregnant since, I
would be more than content raising a child on my own, all
and all, I want children badly. He still won't give and
Yes I do resent him for it! I gave up my entire world for
him and that is one thing that I wanted! Until I pop a kid
out, I will resent him!

SITUATION #4:

George's bro was in a car accident 1.5 years ago. alcohol
was involved. now if i have any alcohol I am not allowed to
drive. but i can ride with someone who can tolerate alcohol
better that I can.
let me explain: sara and i go to my friends house. sara
who drinks more often can drink 8 beers and drive because I
had 3 beers and I have been forbidden to drive. george is
perfectly content with sleeping.

I argue that if he was so concerned with me drinking and
driving he should have driven us over to our friends place
so he wont have to worry about me driving home.

the brother could handle a lot of alcohol as sara can but
regardless, the accident happened because the brother DID
NOT know his limit and his friends DID NOT take his keys!!


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