NicholeAlyse

NicholeAlyse
2010-07-19 08:10:20 (UTC)

My fucked up family?

So...

Mom = Alcoholic
Dad = Crack head
Step dad = Child molester
Draven = My little brother who will be 6 July 28th 2010
and cannot talk.
Brenda = Sister/ best friend..
Me = MY LIFE FUCKING SUCKS

So I remember when my mom was normal and had long beautiful
curly hair and playboy actually asked her to join but my
dad told her no because she has kids.
Dad wouldn't spend any time wwith my mom after she had me,
she was 19 when she had me, dad was 24. Cheated on my mom
when she had my sister who was unplanned.. by a spanish
fucking bitch of fucking course those fucking sluts
and fucking sorry if your a nice goodhearted non-slut
spanish girl and you read this but hey you gotta understand
I went threw fucking shit with your fucking people taking
away every fucking man I had.

anyways Mom became an alcoholic I rememberd when she cut
all her hair off very skin short with bangs and I cried.
I looked at my pics and my mom never cared about dressing
me and my sister in nice clothes anymore all she cared
about is her drinking and playing that fucking country
music very loud and stomping everywhere doing the fucking
indian dance.
I remembered the first time she told me she hated me
and I ran away under the house (prb about 6 yrs old then)
my sister busted her head on the bathtub folsit and I
ran to my mom because she USED to care and she told me that
shed be already and to shut the fuck up
and that was so new to me because Ive always looked at her
as the most loving perfect happy preppy mom and would
never think she would say that to me
she didnt care about giving us bed time sceduals anymore
didnt care about helping me and my sister with our homework
didnt care about picking us up from school and me and my
sister would run home and my sister crying because we were
so scared to walk by ourselves.
Mom and dad would start getting into huge fist fights
the love in the family was gone
I remember screaming at my mom and dad to stop fightingggg

They went to divorce I started dressing goth stupid
and dad has been abusive mom also and hung me on nails
and would beat me and grab my hair and bust it in the
ground. she said sorry and then got preg with step-dad
who told me to come in my room and said that
he had a dream about me sticking my tougne down his throat
when we were making out and has told stories about this
younger girl always trying to touch him and that people
wanted him to be together with her.
Tells me updates about how my body looks.
Mom gets crazy with alcohol while she was preg with my
brother and also smoking weed and ciggarets and getting
into fights and falling over being pushed over by step-dad
I also threw bricks at my step=dad and would grab
bushes with long leaves and hit him with them when he
was fighting my mom.
Mom introduced me to weed when I was 12 saying she rather
me smoke it with her (I don't do that stupid stuff now)
introduced me into alcohol when I was 14
first kiss and make-out with 18 yr old that was supposed
to be my step-neise.. I can't see him as a neise..
hes hott and sitll is and he is NOt my blood so w.e...
step brother molested me while i was trying to sleep on
the couch
and MY OWN FUCKING MOM BITE MY NIPPLE WHEN I WAS DRUNK
DANCING WITH HER AND I WALKED AWAY AND SHE FALLOWED ME AND
PINCHED MY NIPPLE
WALKED IN THE BATHROOM MULTIPLE TIMES AND TALKS ABOUT HOW
SEXY MY BOOBS ARE AND THAT ANY MAN WOULD LOVE TO TEAR THAT
UP.
AND WHEN I WAS A DYKE FOR ALITTLE BIT SHE SAID SHED LOVE
TO TEAR INTO ME..

Then just found out that dad molested my sister with hands
and shit and sister got up ran to her room, dad knocked on
door and unlocked it and tried to tell my sister that
thats not him and to forgive him and tried to hug her but
she ran off and then he told her to take a shower bc the
next day was going to be the begging of 9th or 10th grade.
Dad was on crack for sure and idk what else he was on
but that was totaly fucked up.
Lost first bf who had took my virginity at 16 by a
spanish girl.
Lost current Ex because of fights and I told him that
I was being bitchy because of my postpartum deppression
(I have 2 twin beautiful blue eye brown hair boys by the
way..)

Well before I got pregnate Mom and Dad invited my ex Camilo
to live with us when we were only dating for 4 months.
He got me Preg when we were only dating at 5 months.
Yes we planned to have a family and he had a really good
job at an Auto Paint and Body Shop.
Sometimes I told him that we should wait and then he
would question me why and Id tell him idk
and I should of ssaid bc i need to go to school.
I was 17 just thinking about friends
I had no good influences or anyone to look up to in my life
expecpt for my ex he was the only guy who tought me how
to have good manners and how to use a knife to cut meat
and helped me learn how to have responsibilites and took
me out of my crappy drug, roatch infested, fighting
enviorment
(dad allowed step-dad to move in and step-dad so happend
to move in right when my ex camilo moved in)
Camilo told me that I deserved better and that it was like
me and my sister were adopted bc we don't act shitty
like our parents.
anyways saved enough money
moved out of the house got into a fight with dad
dad got upset and gave me his broken guitar
(which was the only guitar he had left out of 13 guitars)
(dad had pawned all the guitars for money)

When I moved out of the house I made a happy loving
enviorment and my and my ex were SO IN LOVE you could NOT
sepparate us WE were eachother's space and my grandparents
(who I am currently living with now)
told me and him that we look so much in love like them.
(and that is a VERY good compliment bc they got married
at 20 and are still together at 85)
Me and my ex camilo would always go to walmart at 2am
for food and we'd have SO much fun bc we felt SO happy
and family like. the house was HOSPITAL CLEAN
I AM NOT BEING OVEREXAGURATING IT WAS SERIOUSLY
HOSPITAL CLEAN.
and I loved cleaning bc it made him come home to a nice
clean smelling enviorment..
and I would spray mixed berries glade airfreshiner
RIGHT before he comes home.
I had a sceduale with TV shows and when I looked outside
Id watch the publix plaza parking lot of cars go away
and when they were all gone it ment my husband was coming
home in an hour. I WAS ALWAYS EXCITED FOR HIM TO COME HOME

Publix plaza meaning: Publix then you got pizzaa hut,
the dollar store, smoothy shop, nail salon, some resturant
A WONDERFUL PLAZA!!!!
and down the street was WALMART!
and everytime we went to walmart he'd be playing
Tiesto and I will never forget the album:
In Search Of Sunrise
and it was the only think we'd listen to until I fell
and he fell asleep
it really started pissing me off bc it was played so much
but I listen to it all the time now bc of all the good
memories we had
and at this time we were dating about a year in a half
STILL DEEPLY IN LOVE
and When I had sex with him it felt pervert of course
sometimes but MOST OF THE TIME IT FELT LIKE LOVE
AND WASNT PERVERT TO ME ANYMORE.
I felt like I finally know what love is.
He would ALWAYS PROTECT ME and when other guys would look
at me Hed speed past them and at the mall he almost
headbutted them in the face for looking at me
and I LOVED IT BC IVE ALSO BEEN BULLED FOR YEARS IN SCHOOL
UP TO 10th GRADE when I got kicked out because they lost
my credit points and put me in GED
that also happend to my friend but his mom went up to the
school and begged him to stay in highschool and they let
him stay and all my dad did was say i was a failure
even though it wasnt my fault and didnt even ATTEMPT
OR TRY TO GO UP THE THE SCHOOL TO BEG ME BACK

but anyways camilo was always positive to me and
has always protected me if i said someone said shit to me
hed be at your front door that same moment i tell him
and if what someone says to me makes him really mad
hed beat your face in literaly
and he tried to beat my other ex Ian in the face for
trying to say hi and asking to hang out
well camilo went to his house and Ian mom anwsered and i
told camilo to stay in the car and to calm down
which was like almost impossible to do but id do it
Id give him feet massages in warm water and carfully
dried his feet with clean towels always and them
massage his feet with the best lotions I could find
I also had his meals ready for when he came home
make his break fast and clean up after him
and when he was so exusted from his 2 jobs
(ended up getting a 2nd job for us to live in carrolwood
we wanted the best for our family and always the best)
anyways when he was too tired to wash him self Id
fill up the water in the tub and take him a bath
or if he was showering Id wash him off and wash his hair
until I THOUGHT it was clean enough.
and on fridays wed watch C.S.I. shows
and on weekends wed go to the pool or rent movies
and watch them and hed grab my blankets and cuddle with
me with the blankets. that made me love him MORE
and wed always to the "bird cuddle" where wed cuddle on
the neck and give kisses on the neck.
We COULD NOT sleep without eachother and when wed fight
we STILL could not sleep without eachother
and we had this little zebra finch big named meep meep
since he was 6 weeks old and meep meep was also a training
to see how much of good parents we could be before we
have kids and that bird was DEFF our baby hed sleep with us
until he made his own bed by the window with his new
girlfriend :P
we had meep meep a month after we were together
so really ever since we were together we had him

anyways i needed help with the babies when they were born
my sister and "husband"
(yes we almost got married until my grama bought everything
and practically said the words for him so she kinda ruined
it..... he wanted to buy the rings and WE wanted to make
the wedding plans it is SO MUCH MORE SPECIAL)

so moved out bc the tiwns were very hard I had no sleep
and had to wake up every 30min and in between to feed them
and make sure they dont swallow their throw up
bc Matteo was the one to throw up alot
BASICALLY I HAD NO SLEEP BC I WAS TOO BUSY LOVING AND
BEING THE PERFECT MOM.
(had the babies at 17 was able to take them home at 18)
(they were born June 6 2009 and My birthday was July 22
1991)
they were low on weight so i had to keep them in the
hospital longer and they told me that if they dont eat
right and if I dont wake up when its time to feed them
then they have to go back to the hospital
and that would make me feel very stupid and irrisponsible
and make me look bad like i dont know a thing
(i really didnt but I got training there for 3days
and i think i was doing a pretty good job and cmilo was so
proud of me)

So I moved out and went to His dads and Step moms house
I hate his step moms daughter Jennier, been friends
with her until 10 years then we werent friends anymore bc
all sudden she had a crush on camilo and i had too many
friends and she said she doesnt like how im popular and
how she isnt and how i take good care of my look and she
cant keep up with me
I told her she sounds like a kid and needs to grow up
and Im friends with her bc she was a nice person not
bc of popularity and looks and she is always number 1
friend to me. but she kept on acting like a little fat
mexican bitch.

moved in with them (urgh)
then things were starting to get a little tough there
dunia hates camilo(she also before tried to make him
massage his stomach with oil bc "her stomach hurted"
but he didnt and ran out of the house when he was with her
at her old house.
so at his familys house and this is what happend:

Camilo started to feel not like a man anymore
and that made him feel bad REALLY BAD
Dunia (camilos step mom and jennifers mom)
was putting insecurities in my head saying
he has an outside wife and house wife and you are
so stupid to be with him and why would he wanna
have sex with a girl like you with a scarred stomach
like that?? Im worried about you nichole
and i thought she was trying to help me
and at that time me and camilo have been gtting into fights
and has been drinking and going to parties
and i never had a good mom and thought she was only tryig
to help and told me look for extra stuff in his car
which i did find but he wore those clothes to go to a
party with NEW friends and wanted to look good
and she took me to his resturant to stalk him and see if
hes cheating on me and found out that he didnt and she
told me bc it was a bad day
he did have a girl hitting on him but you can see the
cooks work so w.e

he ended up getting into an argument to dunia and
had to leave cops came over bc of the fight n shit but
she told me i will help you with school and a job but
you cant be in a relationship with him and at first I said
ok and then I was like FUCK IT THATS MY FUCKING HUSBAND
IM BY HIS SIDE NO MATTER WHAT FOR BETTER FOR WORSE
and me and camilo moved into his friends apartment with
his friends gf
fucking
spanish
slut
she constantly was walking around in her bra and came out
after havig sex with her bf to turn up the air
conditioning
good thng camilo was sleeping and didnt have to see all
her bullshit actually wore just a shirt onetime when me
and camilo were there and i went past the refrigerator to
get some milk and she tried to hide her self in her room by
closing her legs and then i saw on the corner of my eye
she opend them again then closed them as i walked by again
THE BITCH NEED TO SHUT HER FUCKING DOOR
AND KEEP HER PRIVACY BULLSHIT TO HERSELF
camilo then FINALLY got the job hes always wanted
which was making tattoos and i was so happy for him
but the mocho guys there made fun of his look and his tats
and even the shoes and costomers saying to him
"man girls wear flip flops you gay??"
and he loved flip flops and then mad fun of him
saying that hes pussy wipped by me
and they were colombian just like him and he had no friends
his other GOOD GOOD friend left I forgot where.
and then the guys would say dont get upset man its only a
joke. but he started acting more different and meaner to me
and then we just constantly fight and then he threw a phone
at me and it hit my hip really hard
hes been throwing things at me and i just got sick of it
and punched him in the throat
(i was still on my postpardum deppresshion and its only
been 2 months)
when i did that i went to the bathroom and cried my eyes
out
and he came in with a knife and said that he wanted to kill
me and grabbed me and threw the knife down and hugged me
and said sorry and the knife thing was to only make the
situation look like he was playing idk y he said that but
ok...
and told me he loves me so much and doesnt wwant us to be
like that and things just ended up getting physical later
(i think that was also caused by when we wrestle around
for just playing)
and so we moved out the sluts house and moved back in with
my parents until we could get another house
but when we got our 2nd apartment I coudlnt go there
no fucking tv or phone or radio just babies crying
and mom was helping me get some rest. and it was weird
to feel awake..
and i was too scared to go back to nothing and i should of
bc my parents house is BAD LUCK AND SUCH AN EASY
ENVIOURMENT TO GET STUCK IN AN MAKE LAZY CHOISES AND
HAVE NO FUTURE.
You arent smart when you live there all responisbilities
start to get out of your head.
and he got mad at me bc i didnt wanna move and we just
almost fighing everyday now and i told him well
YOU CAN GO NOT ME and he didnt go he was just pissed
and i would be too bc he just wasted $500 for that.
so he took me to my first club and I was there for
about 30 mins bc he was yelling at me to dance when
just a microphone bitch was talking and people where
fucking stairing at me like can this white girl do it?
man that white girl cant dance!
and he took me to the apartment and left me there
and went back to the club and i cried all night long
till i fell asleep. I thought that was so gay for people
to say things like that bc how can you sleep when
you in the middle of fucking crying?? but you get
so worn out from crying you just start talking to yourself
and you pass out.
so alittle bit after that I finally got a job
and made my first payment for cleaning and got
only fucking $24 for 5 hours...
and camilo needed me to give him a 20 even though he
had another fucking 20
had to give it to my dad and camilo had plentyyy of money
but what i realize now is that he was trying to teach
me responibility that YES it sucks to THINK you have this
money and for you to watch YOUR money that you worked SO
HARD FOR go away. i didnt notcie that and i didnt notice
alot of things until we broke up

this is how we broke up

I came home from cleaning he told me to make my plate bitch
when the turkey was right next to him AND his plate
and i was like NO YOU FUCKING DO IT YOURSELF BITCH
and then in the kitchen he was calling me dirty names and
that was sooo embarrassing bc my parents were in the
living room. so i got his tea and poured alittle bit of tea
in his food and he grabbed the cup back and SPLASHED IT ALL
OVER MY NICE HAIR AND MAKE UP and then i dumped his food
on the floor and I told him IM BREAKING UP WITH YOU
and he said good stupid bitch and i stomped to my room
and packed all his shit up and he tried to stop me saying
he wasnt going anywhere and i said oh yes you are back to
your daddys house and this is MY ROOM MY HOUSE SO GET OUT

I should of NEVER said that to him bc i was told
that he could get kicked out and nobody do anything about
it
and my fucking stupid dumbass lame parents told me they
WERE going to go in there and calm us down and say hey
nichole im not kicking him out bc he pays rent here and
hes family find a different room to sleep in and take a
break you love eachother and this isnt you guys to act
like this.
but instead the let us argue and let him pack all his
clothes and leave.
I
fucking
hate
my
fucking
parents
THEN my dad desides to tell me a good hint how
relationships should happen that
the hard men come home from work and deserve a hot meal
on the table bc theyve worked so hard to get want you want
and to get what they want and doing things for the best
and he is a hard working man and she be treated better
and i was like wtf why didnt you fucking tell me this shit
and i called him appologizing and saying I should of done
all those things for him and that i need to straghten up
and ill do whatever to fix things and he said no Im DONE
your crazy and need to fix yourself and get a real job I
NEED HELP HERE
(im still on postpartum deppeshion 4 months after babies
born)
(and he also had 3 jobs at one point:
2job on week day and the 3rd job mixed with his
2nd job weekends and he would start coming home at
4 am then wake up at 7:30am before)

so anyways broke up and he acted like he didnt care and i
was so fucking deppressed and went to 76.6 lbs
I had a healthy lady that checks me once a week
the weight that i had been at was 87 or 86 lbs
but i lost so much weight when we separated
practically like a DIVORCE TO UShe still acted like he
didnt care and then was even tlaking to girls on the phone
and would leave the room if i had to change clothes
and just one day he started being a perv to me and i
told him no for days and oneday i just messed around with
him and it felt like i was getting close to him
and later i cried and hugged him and scartched his shirt
like a little kid and cuddled with him
(in the car when that happend)
and giving him these googly eyes and said
IM SO SORRY PLEASE COME BACK I LOVE YOU SO MUCH ILL
FIX MYSELF IM SO SORRY YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER
PLEASE I KNOW YOU LOVE ME SO MUCH TOO PLEASE COME BACK
WERE HUSBAND AND WIFE
(we used to say we were husband and wife all the time
and thougt it was so disrespectful if we said we were just
"boyfriend/grilfriend")
and he just sat up really still with a serious face
and told me
no I cant go back with you my dad and dunia said
that i need to change my life and i cant with you
im sorry but i cant go back together with you

and i just started really crying there and he kept yelling
at me to stop crying and but i couldnt and i always listen
to him and obey him BUT I REALLY COULDNT STOP CRYING
I got out of the car and collaps on the floor and curled
up in a ball and just stared crying till i fell asleep
again
and my mom also cried and bc she felt so sorry for me
to see her own daughter go threw a divorce and
I really felt like I wanteed to die
No more my first family
babies are so hard
everyone says i suck at being a mom
no husband
no life
no job
seeing no future

I really just wanted to die and the babies could
go to someone better than me.
and id cry everynight and my dad would buy
me alcohol and give me sleeping pills to sleep
and to really shut me the fuck up
even though he did feel really sad for me and
they were both so angry and wanted to cry themselves for
not doing anything.

so later dad couldnt pay bills and elec got shut off
and the babies couldnt stay there so camilo had to pick
them up and when he did I went out and got really
stonned with one of my friends i was like fucked up
and really felt like i didnt care anymore
came home and hours later sitll fucked up
it finally went away thank godddd
and ended up just having to move to Dunias house
(camilos step moms house)
bc no one knew how to take care of them and
ittt wassss tooo harrrrdd awwwwww
fuck you bitches and you guys call me a bad mom
anyways camilo lived there also and it was hard seeing him
there constantly going to parties and being excited when
women like him and he deff run out the door when hed find
out things like that and itd KILL ME and then when i had a
guy to pick me up
he flipped the fuck out and trew smoething at me
while the guy was there and i was told that he was calling
me nasty names and saying im a bad mom and walking all
around the house like a nutbag
and then when i was about to go to a party he said OH NO
YOUR NOT AND RAN OUT THE DOOR AND SAID IF YOUR NOT HERE
WHEN I COME BACK IN 15 MINS THERES GONNA BE TROUBLE and
he never came back after 3 hours and i just went to a
party anyways and sister watched the babies for me
(she also lived with me and camilo at our first house for
a sec and then just stayed over at his step moms house)


gotta sleep..



Ad:1
PropellerAds