lilshortie_5

Unspoken Thoughts
2010-07-16 05:17:00 (UTC)

FIGHT

Oh yeah I have nothing else to say about that fight. I
already said everything I needed to say. I just don't
understand how someone can get so angry for the dumbest
things. I know it was because of me and I wanna say "but..."
but I won't, because I feel like I'm making excuses for
myself. I've never been so afraid of the future. It's crazy!
There's my career options, living together with my bf. Being
on my own and getting a job. Everything about the future has
me pinned down. I feel like just falling and never getting
up. But I know I can't do that. I hate the way I've been. I
wanna be better, but what to do? Sometimes I sit and think
for HOURS but nothing will come out of it. Or sometimes I
come to a decision but later regret it. Deep inside I would
like God to visit me in my dreams and tell me what to do...
because only HE knows what lies ahead. The more I apologize
the worse I feel because it just means no progress has been
made. I've been correcting my personality for years! I can't
believe I have this much to fix. Sometimes I wish people
could read my mind to know when I care and when I'm truly
sorry because I obviously suck at showing it. I love my
boyfriend... so much... I hate it when he's stressed out
more than he knows. I need to change myself! Come on Angie!!
You need to grow up!

Right now... I had a flash as I said the three last
sentences. I saw myself jumping so high with my hands
reaching out to the sun. The second jump I was almost there.
I was so high up in the sky by the third. The clouds
surrounded me, like fog they covered the ground... like it
didn't matter anymore. But because I couldn't reach my goal
I fell down again but I kept going and as I tried over and
over I could see my face and expression, straining to go on.
The drops of sweat trickling down the sides of my face and
forehead. I almost had it... but I never saw the end.




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