Richard

My life....If you care.
2010-07-14 18:58:29 (UTC)

Ruining lives...

I feel like shit, I know i haven't done anything wrong. But I called my best friend
out on cheating, Cheating with my recent ex among others. And he decided (with
no guidance from me) that he shouldn't be her friend anymore. Thereby ruining
her life in her eyes. Talking about all her friends (which i think was only him) and
ruining her reputation.

During this "callout" 6 hour emotional conversation. I told him to tell me the total
truth, and I would accept it. And if he was lying to me, about this of future
issues, I was done with him. And I found out two days later that he was half
truths or in some case flat lies. So i told him i couldn't do it anymore. My oldest
friend. 20years of friendship gone because being faithful to his GF was to hard
or not enough sex or something. So not he is really upset to so it seems. I
started a chain reaction of FUCK. I was their choice to cheat on or cheat with. But
I still feel awful... Every day it seems like all the pain starts over, is refreshed in
some way. The pain of being dumped, the pain of lives being ruined, losing a
best friend. The pain of being cheated on... Not by my ex, but when he invited
my ex over to his "hookup" place right after she dumps me. It kills me to think
about. Her lies about what she really thought about him. I want it all to stop! I
don't want to be sad anymore. Everyone tells me i deserve better, But i never
seem to get it. They tell me that to try and make me feel better. Or make
themselves feel better about what they are doing to me...

I hate myself sometimes,




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