Here I am. July 13, 2010, Tuesday
Here I am. Time to stand in the present, and face the
future head on, no matter what it should hold. I am a
person. And as much as I hate to admitt it, life isn't
But it is better.
Aunt Susan seems to have gone from hating me to just plain
ignoring me. I don't understand why she (and my dad as
well) can just pent up the pain of mom and force it all
out on me. It really doesn't make sense. Right now I am
listening to "River flows in Your," which is a very
breathtakingly beautiful song. It makes me stronger, yet
sad at the same time.
Mom always used to play this song. One day I asked her why
she loved a song with no words. Her reply was
simple: "Lisa May, a song with words can be sung and
expressed and can never fully fill you up. A song like
this gets stuck in your soul and there's no way to get it
out. The soul needs stuff like this." Then she swirled me
under her arm and I laughed, because I didn't get it.
Things like that are funny, in an ironic way. I wish I
could tell her I knew what she meant now. It seems like my
soul is too full to empty now.
I finally got some piano playing into my schedule,
however. Aunt Susan and Uncle Charlie took me over the
neighbors' yeasterday to "alert" them I had arrived. Mr.
and Mrs. Platent are very nice. They gave me some cookies
(Lisa May Kennedy, wash your hands before you eat them! Oh
Aunt Susan). I noticed straight away that they had a
magnificent grand piano in their study. Everyone around
here seems to be rich.
Anyhow, I couldn't help myself. While the adults were
talking, I sat and began to play that song from the
movie "Twilight." I'm not a huge fan, but the music is
beautiful. I was very wrapped up in playing. It was the
first time I had felt like myself in ages. I felt like
suddenly I could breathe. Ever since then I have felt much
I hadn't noticed that someone had come into the room until
I heard a voice.
"You're really good."
I jumped off the bench, the keys clanking in my surprise.
I hate, hate, hate when people watch me play, and plus, I
wasn't supposed to be there.
"I guess you're Lisa," he said, "My parents keep bugging
me to come down and meet you."
I couldn't help but smile at his candid tone. I introduced
myself, and corrected him about my name (It's Lisa May,
acually. May was my mother's name). His name was Ted. He
is sixteen, only a year older than me.
I didn't get to meet the rest of the family, but I was
happy to meet Ted. He seems normal, unlike everyone else,
including myself. I did go over there again today to play
the piano. I had the house to myself because the family
went out for something.
The past two days have been fulfilling in a way, but also
scary. Aunt Susan yells about everything, and more that
once I screamed back, earning myself a punishment.
According to her I'm grounded for the rest of the week
for "talking back and being disrespectful." I'm not saying
it's not true, just that she deserved it.
Maybe I can be grounded in the Platents' piano room.
I'm no longer alone, yet part of my heart still hurts.
I'll stay at the river tonight, at least in my dreams.
Maybe mom will be there.