Shortstack03

Dr. Jones
2010-07-13 05:39:39 (UTC)

In the Beginning

I am a 22 year old with no direction for my life. It is a
little late to start thinking of something but better late
than never. I should have had direction for my life when i
had Ireland august 2008. There are so many things i should
have done but i never gave myself the chance or the credit i
deserved. I didnt think i could do this alone and i still
dont think i can but now i know enough to try.

I met dylan in the 7th grade we talked a few times but i
didnt really know who he was. One of my best friends started
dating him at that time they were together for 4 years on
and off. In that time i was jumping from one long
relationship to another. First was Daniel then Clay then
Ian. I thought i loved all of them and i did with the
exception of clay. I didnt love them the way love is
"supposed" to be. I loved them like a best friends. Someone
to talk to and have as a constant companion. When highschool
was over i was tired of what i had. I wanted something new
and fun. What i found was a group of boys all fun in their
own way. Josh is so smart and a slick talker for the first
few weeks. After a while he just acts like a dick. It is
something you have to look past to really understand who he
is. He is not really a bad person he is just withdrawn from
human emotion. I dont know how he does that but it works for
him. He gives some of the best instructions but advice is
not his best department. he thinks so much with logic that
it seems at times he is a robot but he knows how to make
people smile. Adam is the clown of the group. He is always
making me laugh and smile even when i am so sad i dont want
to go on. He is wonderful to be around because he is always
so optamistic and problems dont bother him he can laugh any
topic off. His heart is just so big and he knows when he is
needed and in what way. At first you would think that adam
is mean and disrespectful but that is just to hide any real
emotion he is feeling. He is never being mean he is just
trying to be funny. Dylan is the quiet one of the group. He
always wore his heart on his sleeve and was always just so
sweet to everyone. His heart is just too big for his own
good but that is what drew me in. once again i bit off more
than i could chew. I realized he wasnt the most loving or
affectionate person. He had no personality on his own. He
needed adam and josh to be that person that i thought he
was. I ended up pregnant in the first two months of the
relationship. We decided to try to make it work between us
for the baby. That just wasnt enough. I never got the
attention i wanted from him and i didnt have a good time
when it was just the two of us. His anger was just so thick
and it was almost drowning me. After 2 years of chasing him
and trying for the attention i needed i gave up. It wasnt
worth it anymore.

I have had a crush on adam since i started hanging out with
the three of them. I met adam for the first time in
highschool. It was in art class and he was funny and
mysterious. I never gave him more than a thought of
friendship. After we started hanging out later i realized
that adam was a very attractive person. Inside and out. He
made me laugh and showed me what a real smile felt like.
Dylan knew my feelings for his best friend. He thought it
was funny at first but after a while he just didnt care.
When adam moved in a few months ago he and i got very close
as friends. It was then he told me he has wanted me since
highschool and i confessed to him how i felt. a few weeks
later we made it a little more between us and it was just so
amazing. My body reacts to him like i have been waiting for
him my whole life. I was afraid to tell him my real feelings
for him in fear that he didnt feel the same. He told me
first about the feelings he had for me. He told me that he
loved me and i just about passed out when i heard those
words come from his lips. It was as if i had been waiting to
hear those words and that was all that mattered at the
moment. I never thought about what i would be doing to dylan
and adams relationship. It makes me feel bad about hurting
dylan but i would do almost anything for adam. He says he
can handle what was to come and it came sooner than
expected. Now im not sure if adam can handle loosing his
best friend. I almost want to drop out of the picture
completely and give them back what they had. I know it
sounds selfish but i wont leave until im not wanted anymore.
Adam wants me here with him and he says he will do what he
can to handle the situation. My hopes are high but i am
preparing for the worst.




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