Why is it that when you feel you may be slightly getting your shit together, other shit in your life begins to fall apart. Or at least they seem to be falling apart. As I lay here wide the fuck awake, I wonder if things are falling apart or falling into place. I understand that growth and personal development comes with a certain amount of discomfort but right now I'm feeling like a flag should be thrown on this play, and as I run the tape back, I see too many things wrong with the line up. My play book is dated but I do not know if I can create new plays on my own. My moves are emotional, my decision are not calculated, and I feel trapped somewhere in between reality and rebelling.