ashwriter101

Journal of a Jedi Padawan
2010-07-10 04:23:55 (UTC)

Couldn't Keep My Arms Hidden

I was pacing back and forth in my room. I had been
thinking about the nightmares all day. I wondered what I
could do. "Its only 18 days left. What can I do? I don't
want to kill them," I mumbeled to myself.
"Kill what," asked Nydo as he walked in.
"NYDO! Don't DO that," I said.
"Sorry. The door was open... so I thought," he apologized.
"I guess it's fine. Why did you come in? Did you have a
reason for scaring me like you did," I asked.
"I wanted to see how you were."
"I'm fine. Just thinking."
"I see."
"No. For once you don't. Well, if you don't mind, I will
go back to pacing again," I said urgently.
"I get it. Jedi Masters have their secrets too. I'll
leave you to your thoughts," he said as he left.
Just as I began to think, the comm link beeped. "I've
gotta go," I said as I came out of my room and saw Nydo
waiting outside. "Don't follow me, and when I come back
please no questions" I asked.
"Now I have to follow you," he smiled. I picked up the
pace. But he followed.
"Please, don't." I begged him and he stopped.
"Alright, I won't. But I'll be waiting when you get
back," he called out.
Finally, I got outside as my arms, legs, and sides began
to sting. I held my arms, went to the lower levels of
Coruscant until I finally found the old abandoned building I
knew. I went inside and hid in a corner with my lightsaber
nearby. After it was over, I came back to the Jedi Temple. I
went straight to my room, to hide the still red marks on my
arms and legs. I collapsed on my bed, ready to sleep. Then
there was a knock on the door.
"Are you home, yet," asked Nydo.
"Yes. Come in if you'd like," I offered lazily,
forgetting the marks on my arm. He opened the door, and I
quickly hid my arms under a pillow.
"I wanted to see if you came home safely. Your so dirty.
You had better get a bath before you go to bed," he snickered.
"I will. Its just a little dirt," I smiled sheepishly.
"Well, I'll be in the library if you need me," he said.
"Why will you be in the library," I asked as I folded my
arms. Uh oh. His jaw dropped. I hid them quickly. "Oops. You
weren't supposed to see that." He stared at where my arms
were before I hid them. The look on his face said it all. He
wasn't sure to be appalled, concerned, scared, in pain,
understanding, or shocked. I think he was a little of all. I
saw it was useless to try to hide them, so I took them out
again and looked at them.
"I uh... REALLY... have to go to the library now. I was
going to do research on my old padawan," he lied. I could
tell. He took a step back with his eyes still wide. He was
scared of me. I knew it.
"I am so sorry you have to see this. I have no idea what
these markings are or what they mean. After these go away, I
may see you in the library. Since I turned 14 they started.
I run, because I don't know what they mean, and they could
be something bad. I want to figure this out," I said
embarrassed and saddened.
"OK," was all he was able to say.
"I'm sorry," I sighed.
"You can tell me anything, remember? I am not here to
evaluate you. I'm your comrade," he stated firmly looking me
in the eyes. I could tell he meant well, but he wasn't sure.
My heart broke. I knew this would happen. That is why no one
can find out. After he left, and I got out of the shower, I
found something to cover my arms and legs. Then I looked
outside at the stars. I sighed and sat on my bed. I put my
head in my hands and knew the marks wouldn't go away, so I
laid back in my bed and cried myself to sleep, having the
same graphic nightmare as ever.




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