WannaBe

Diary Of a Wannabe
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2010-07-09 18:21:13 (UTC)

Slipping Into The Darkness of Depression

I dont know when it started to happen, but it did, and it
has been sucking my joy for as long as i can remember now.
I use to be the happiest kid in the world. but that was
when i was in grade one and i tihnk thats when it all
began.

In grade one there are three things i remember most. First
my mom crying when she found out that my dad was having an
affare behind her back, and wasnt really going on buisness
trips. This was horrific for me at the time because i had
never seen my mom not happy. Second was my dad moving out
of the house and telling us that he was filing for
divorce. at the time i didnt know what this meant but i
soon came to realize it. Third was my dad bringing home
the woman he had been cheating with. I dont understand why
he did what he did, and why he didnt think about me or my
sister but he ruined our lives starting from there.

Im not sure when it happened but my dad asked the woman he
had the affare with to marry him. This is possibly one of
the biggest mistakes my dad made his entire life. Im not
sure when the wedding was, but i was still young and in
elementry school. The wedding was awful. It was long and
boring and the begining to a horrible life for my dad and
sister.

things in my home life seemed to be getting better. i wish
i could have said the same about my social life at school.
I was chubby, and had long curly hair throughout junior
high school. i shaved it all off for cancer and raised
close to 2000$. It was a nice enough thing to do right? it
is one of my biggest regrets of my three years of junior
high. The constant jokes about my hair, or about the way i
look. I pretended to be okay with it but i really wasnt.
When my friends decided to test how far they could go i
was ready to hurt them all, but it didnt, i just let the
feelings boil inside of me. it was at my hair shaving i
met the girl who became my best female friend. Its sad but
i wishi never met her. she is an awful friend who
mascarades as the perfect one. in my last entry i talked
about some of thing things that bother me. Truth is i
hardly scratched the surface.

She has this habbit of complaining about her home life. I
honestly wishm y life was more like her. She has
everythign a kid could want. Both parents who love her, a
little sister who might not show it well but idolises her,
her family is fairly well off, and she vould be smart if
she wanted to, and she is one of the most attractive girls
i have ever met.

I compair my life to hers, and think why does she have any
reason at all to be even slightly depressed. At school she
doesnt have peple constantly ridiculing her, or calling
her fat. There is no way in hell a teacher would call her
far, but one of mine had no probolem calling me fat.

More to come later


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