Kitten

Confessions of madness
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2010-07-09 11:23:39 (UTC)

Well that was fun.

So after yesterdays entry about my mother running away and
having to call the police i ended up with the police coming
round. I wasn't expecting that but they did and i had to sit
around with them frantically calling people and me feeling
like a stupid kid cause my mother is out of control and
suicial. We did find her eventually and my dad (who hates
the police) was so happy to find them in our living room and
ushed them out as soon as possible then stuck me in the car
so we could drive up to her. We waited around for her to
finish her piece of artwork then took her home.
When we got back, i cleaned up after, checked she was
alright, rang around everyone to tell them she was fine and
i had her home then cooked her dinner and then went to relax
knowing that i was supposed to be out with my guy, watching
him be the amazing musician he is.
I spend my life putting everything else second best to her.
Ive put my emotions second best to her. I cook for her, i
clean for her, i do everything she asks me to do. If shes
uphappy i go out of my way to make her feel better. I buy
her presents just because i love her. I leave her letters of
appreication. I help her with anything she needs. I help
plan her future, her dreams. I help. But for some reason, im
still the terrible sibling even though all my brother does
is sit downstairs more with her because he has a laptop and
my computer is a desktop in my room. So because im working
on stuff, i need to be upstairs and because hes playing his
games he can be downstairs and keep her company (even though
they don't talk to each other) hes the better son. HE got a
job before me. HES doing better then i did in school. HE
doesn't spend so much time seeing friends.
I don't mean to sound selfish because thats not how i am but
how come im getting the dirty looks and the fists of rage
when all i do is try to help? Theres only so much i can
tolerate emotionally.
My brother got a hug and an i love you when we brought her
back. I got a hug and a "why won't you let me die".


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