Lunacy Fringe
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2010-07-06 22:25:58 (UTC)

It isnt the worst

Writing in a diary has always seemed to be..rediculous i
guess. For me it has been. Since i was young i had a
journal, but lucky for me, my siblings decided it would be
fun to read them. So thats why i have this online diary
thing. I have a hard time talking to others about it so here
i go.

I had lesbian encounters. Or sex.

Yea not something that im entirely proud of.

Im not gay, but..i was drunk and now i really do regret it.
Mainly because it was with a friend who is gay. And i might
have led her on. A lot.

Next, i have feelings for a gay guy.
He claims to be bisexual. Whatever. He has a boyfriend,
which would otherwise show that at the moment he is more on
the gay side, am i right?

I kinda am confused as to why i do. He seems to enjoy my
company, and says im his favorite girl out there. And just
the way he looks at me some times. I dont know. God i hate
being a woman. Why? Because we think the way a guy looks at
us tells us everything. Its not only untrue but its a dumb

Next, i had sex a while ago with one of my frineds ex
boyfriends. I know she wouldnt care because she didnt really
like him all too much and it lasted a week for them, but for
some reason it still makes me feel like shit.
And now the bastard is going off to college and thinks that
he is some big shot, too cool for anyone he knew in high

All i have to say to him is, FUCK YOU!!

Next, I really do disslike myself for all these main things.
And i do feel alone. And i cant tell anyone any of this.
Because i know that secretly they are judging me.

I know that these things most likely makes me a "slut" or
just plain stupid. Ive only had sex once, and it was with
that bastard. What a waste. I just feel like a waste.

My dad makes that very apparent.

I know that my life isnt the worst and that there is always
someone out there who has it worse, heck i even had a dream
saying that my life isnt the worst. But i cant helo but feel
that way.