SJD1989

About A Girl
2010-07-05 20:53:32 (UTC)

New Life

So, Sierra is two weeks old today. Baby blues are sinking
in, but not swallowing me this time. I have periods of
sadness and anxiousness but it is not as bad as it was
with Savanna. Sierra seems like an easier baby to take
care of so far at least. She doesn't cry as much as
Savanna did and is easier to calm down than she was. I am
glad to have the easier one second. Sierra seems to be
doing good. I don't know what I was thinking or why I
wasn't thinking but the other day I submerged her belly in
water, when I know they are only supposed to get sponge
baths til the cord falls off. So, when I was drying her
off, the cord came off. It looked horrible. It was bulgy
and pink, looked like a wound. I was freaking out and
called the hospital OB department. They told me that it is
fine and not a open wound and to keep taking care of it as
we have been and only sponge baths for a while. It looks
much better now, a couple days later. I was crying abd
really upset because this is something that I know and I
felt like I hurt her or maybe messed up her belly button
for life or something. Luckily, that is not the case and
she is fine. We just have to be even more careful about
infection because the healing process was slowed down a
little because of this. I am having lots of anxiety still
and am beginning to wonder if the medicine is working at
all. I can't really tell, because of the baby blues and
what not. I feel like I still get just as anxious just as
often as when I started taking it every day. The
perscription is dated 6-8 and I am sure I have only missed
no more than a 5 doses. Maybe it is still too early to
tell yet. Gotta bomb the house for fleas. It is going to
be a lot of work, but it has to be done. Eewwy. Seth's
xbox is broken. This is the 4th time now. I know he is
really upset but I am happy I won't have to see it for
three months or so. So far, settling in has been alright.
It gets really hard at times, like when they are both
crying or both need something, but other than that there
have been no problems. It is really hard at night. Savanna
is used to us being there by her. Now, I sleep in the
chair so I can rock the baby to sleep and feed her more
easy. Savanna gets upset because she wants to be in the
chair too or she wants us to lay down by her. It really
breaks my heart when she wants my attention and I can't
give it to her because I have to take care of the baby
first. I am sure it is a huge change for her and I am sure
it is hard to understand why she is not getting as much
attention as she was. I try to make her feel like she may
be getting less attention but she is still getting as much
love. I try to spend as much time hugging and sitting by
her and talking to her as I can. It just gets so busy, I
have no time for anything. I have to feed the baby and
take care of her until she falls asleep and then hopefully
she will let me put her down so I can use the bathroom or
eat or clean. There is always a million things to do
still, the only difference is that there are a few new
things and even less time to do it all. I know that we can
do it and we will get through it. I know we will. I know
that even at my worst our life really is not that bad and
we have a lot to be thankful for and appreciate. I know
that everything could be much worse. I am trying to keep a
cool positive head. I think that will help me a lot in
these stressful times. I feel like I have a lot more
patience now taking care of Sierra than I did taking care
of Savanna. When Savanna was really young with colic I
felt like I was always an inch away from totally losing my
mind. It was really bad and I still can't even believe I
got through it. I now know that even when Sierra seems
unconsoleable, it will pass and we will get through it.
She won't cry forever and all I can do is fill her needs
and be there for her. I hold her close and rock her until
she feels better. I know she doesn't want to be this way
and if she could make herself better she would. These are
things that I did not realize with Savanna and I am glad I
know now. I guess the second time around must be a little
easier in some kind of way with every parent. You know
things you didn't know then and experienced things you
learned from to use now. Things that were scary then are
not so scary now and things you freaked out about then are
nothing now. I feel more educated and confident being a
parent to a new born because I have already been there. I
understand how to do it better than anyone could have
taught me then. Experience is priceless. Savanna is so big
compared to Sierra. Besides that being obvious it is mind
blowing to me the difference. Changing Sierra's diaper
than changing Savannas is crazy. Savanna's clothes are so
much bigger. Having Sierra just made me look at Savanna
different. I used to worry she looked emaciated or too
skinny, now I don't even know what I was thinking. She is
such a big girl. Talking and developing her own
personality. Creating her own little world. I just can't
believe she is not a baby anymore. She will be two in a
couple months and that is just making me insane. I can't
even believe she will be two. I feel like we just
celbrated her first birthday. Now, soon enough we will be
feeling that about Sierra. Day to day sometimes time can
just drag ass. But, looking back on time feels like it
went so fast.




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