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2010-07-04 14:43:00 (UTC)

feeling hopeless

Well, I have a lot on my mind right now. First I have to
have a liver biopsy on Tuesday because the gastro dr.
thinks that I may have autoimmune hepatitis. I am sooo
not excited about having to have this done. I am very
nervous and scared.

Also, I find out on Tuesday whether or not I got that job
at the oil and gas company. The lady is trying to decide
between SIX people so I seriously doubt that I got the
job, but I am praying.....please God, let me get this
job. I NEED and want to work again!!!!

My sister is in town with Colin and the girls. It didn't
take her very long to start making me feel bad about
myself. She started in on me about how she was "worried"
about me because of my weight, after she sent me the text
that said "How to Make a Clown Cry, by Lynda [email protected][email protected]" when
she knows THAT hurt my feelings when she sent it to me
before awhile ago. Yeah, she's realllly concerned about
me. Whatever. She said that my faith is not strong
enough and that I am giving up. In the respect, she may
be right. I have, in a way, given up really. I feel so
hopeless and useless because I don't have a JOB. :( I
wish I could just die so I could leave this world. I'm
done with it. I'm tired of being fat, unemployed and

Dear God, please help me. I am feeling so bad that I just
can't stand myself anymore. Please help me. Please, if
it is your will, let me get this job so that I can feel
productive and worthwhile again. Above that, please help
me to feel worthwhile even WITHOUT a job!!! I am feeling
so worthless and sad. Please help me. I know that only
you can help me dear Lord!!! Thank you for everything you
already HAVE done for me!! Amen!!!

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