Accepting My Fate
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2010-07-03 01:28:28 (UTC)

Accepting My Fate

I'm not sure if I've actually accepted my fate yet or
not. I suppose next to the tite I should put (thinking
about it).
This time last year I was diagnosed with bipolar
disorder. For years I had been suffering with depression
and now looking back at it all I can see the extreme highs
between the lows. I tend to be more depressed than manic
so for me it makes it more difficult to understand. I was
hospitalized a couple of times years ago because I was
suicidal. I was suicidal and depressed because I had been
making poor life choices regarding my relationships and
work and schooling. Now I understand that those poor
choices were results of manic episodes. I apologize to
those I have hurt during those episodes. You know who you
are. I wish that I could go back in time an get the
appropriate help I needed so as to avoid hurting you.
Alas, I can not. I did receieve treatment many times over
the years; treatment for anxiety, panic disorder, ptsd,
depression, major & clinical. I am still beginning to
comprehend that those doctors improperly diagnosed
me..perscribing me medications that furthered my mania.
At the time of my biggest break with reality I was taking
a daily dose of an antidepressant. I now understand that
is probably what pushed me over the edge. As this is only
my first entry I will not go into much detail about my
past. I will save that for later. If you would like to
know more about me and my journey with this illness then
please read on.