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2010-07-02 21:25:32 (UTC)

Old memories part 2

Dear diary...

2 am

walking in the night,,, or is it morning? who cares,,,, I feel like I'm dreaming,,,
I love this feeling,,, It's like I'm high or something,,, my heart is pumping from
the thrill and fear of being caught,,, I try to take my hand out of his but he
won't let me..

"What if someone sees us?" i whisper... " Let's just walk next to each other we
don't have to hold hands"

" I don't care! let them see they can't do anything" he replies cooly...

I hate it when he's like that sometimes... it's like nothing bothers or scares
him... if someone saw us they could do something! its a freakin small country
what if someone recognizes me or him? what if they call the cops,,, damn
we'd be screwed then.. Yet at the same time, I love him for his calmness... he
makes me feel safe,,, like nothing and no one can hurt me... I look up into his
eyes,,, they sparkle like the bright stars behind him... the cool wind playing
with his hair... I probably look real stupid... I can just see my hair all static
fom my hoodie and no makeup on my face... I know if i tell him this he'll get
mad,,, he's always telling me how beautiful I am...

"are you happy?" he asks... what's he talking about " like right now?" i ask while
using my free hand to push a lock of hair behind my ear.. "yeah, are you happy
your with me?".... I raise my left eyebrow " of course i
am silly,,, you think I'd sneak out and risk being caught to come and be
miserable?" i free my hand and run off enjoying the night and cool wind... i
turn around and stick my tongue out at him,,, not sure if he can see my
I laugh as he starts chasing after me.... " no fair you have long legs" i shout
out as i feel him gaining on me... he is so tall almost 6 foot one and me... i'm
barley 5 feet,,,

I hide behind one of the parked vans,,, i get on all fours and look for his feet
but can't find them,,, what the,,,
" boo"... eeeeek,,, he grabs me from the waste and lifts me up over his
shoulder,,," put me down put me down!! what if someone sees!! they'll know
I'm not a boy!"
" uff would you stop with that already... and just for annoying me I'm not
putting you down"

I started to struggle but of course it's useless,,, he's too damn strong for his
own good... my hair is in my face,,, damn stuff needs to be chopped off,,,
damn him for liking long hair! " please I'm serious put me down" after
hearing the tone of my voice he immediately obeyed,,, I hate being the party
pooper,, always being the worry bug but I can't help it,,, I'd be in deep shit if i
got caught!! grounded for Life!! my dad would be so ashamed!!....

we start walking back towards the car,,, I feel that were too close to the
street,,, i need the safe shelter of the trees and bushes...

He grabs my arm quickly and tells me to put my hoodie on quick,,, my heart
jumps into my throat and i quickly hide my hair... I hope i look like a boy... I
see the man getting closer to us,,, Damn!! Oh God please let him go by
without noticing,,, I give my boyfriend a dirty look,,, i knew it i knew it i knew
it,,, i knew someone would see us fooling around and holding hands,,, Oh
God My parents are gonna hate me... he gets closer and were walking
towards him trying to act normal... I hope my face is shaded enough from the
street lights,,, he gets closer and i feel like I'm about to walk into a train... and
my heart is pumping.... I'm going to have a heart attack!! can you have a heart
attack at 17? my palms are sweaty as we come face to face,,, I'm going to
burst out into tears... I take a deep breath waiting for his accusations...

But he keeps on walking!! Holy God thank you! thank you thank you thank
you!! he just kept walking by not even giving us a second glance!! I look at M
but he just keeps looking straight ahead,,, he's always so serious,,, I just want
to burst out laughing hysterically... we get to the car but don't get in,,, its too
nice a night to waste it inside the car,,, i sit on the hood and am now almost
level with M's face...
" whats wrong?" i ask worried,,, "nothing" he replies and gives me a dazzling
smile showing off his pearly white teeth,,, I smile back my cheeks burning,,,
you'd think I'd be used to his smile by now,, almost 1 year together,,,

he reaches his hand out towards my face and my heart stutters,,, i feel his
warm fingers on my cool cheeks... he brushes my hair away from my face and
smiles... " your so beautiful you know?"..." I'm so lucky to have you" he starts
to bend down and his face gets closer to mine

My body turns to jelly and my smile faulters... This time it'll be different this
time It will be great... His lips meet mine,, but nothing nada,,, no fireworks in
the background no static electrisity running through my body,,, not like the
movies or the romance novels i read,,, maybe it just doesn't happen in real
life... don't get me wrong i like kissing him,, it makes me feel closer to him...
something intimate between us,,, but still..

he deepens the kiss and i feel his tongue in my mouth... I instinctively wrap
my arms around his neck and he lifts me of the car... My feet are dangling in
the air,,, he's so tall... i love it! I move my lips away needing air and he starts
kissing my cheeks, my eyes, my neck,,, damn i get goose bumps when he
kisses me there,,, he moves to my ear and i giggle... he laughs softly... we do
that everytime... I'm so ticklish around my ears,,, I don't laugh on purpose, i
try not to ruin the mood,,, he sets me back down and gets a blanket out of
the car.... spreading it out on the ground he looks at me and i see the hunger
in his eyes,,, it startles me,,, it still baffles me why he would want me? I mean
I don't have much of a body but the way he looks at me,,, its like I'm perfect...
I lay down and immediately he's next to me kissing me over and over,,, I start
to shiver as the warm feeling starts to build up in my abdomen... my hands
shake as i stroke is shoulders, back and hair,,,

he starts to unzip my jacket and take it off,,, i shiver from the cold but don't
really care,,, my shirt comes off next then my bra,,,

my tear slips and i wipe it away quickly,,, i miss him so much sometimes,,,
even after everything that happened,,, why can't i forget,,, it's been a year
now come on get over it,,,