Hope. Love. Hate.
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2010-07-01 20:39:23 (UTC)

7-1-2010 Why?

Today I woke up thinking that I could make the day better,
but I always seem to miss things up. Why do I make him so
mad for? Am I really a bad person? I just feel so much
stress with Sr. not working its been a year today. So let
me start from the moment that I opened my eyes at 6:40am. I
gave it up since I was so tried last night and fell asleep.
It always puts a smile on his face. Changed the Jr. put him
in bed with his daddy, and went to work. I thought it was
going to be a good lunch but turns out I thought wrong :(.
So I got home ate some food and then Sr. asked "can you drop
me at the bike shop?" I hate when he wants to go there why
tho? Maybe I just feel that he should be out looking for a
real job and not selling things I guess. This is not the
kinda family that I wanted for myself I feel so lost and
confused on just what to do, I wanna move out. I just cant
live with him anymore he blames me for everything what did I
really do? I stopped talking to everyone for this man and
all he can do is talk to me like I'm some kind of child when
I am the one doing everything for this family when I gone he
will see, anyways i hope that he will be able to see it.
what if he don't tho what will I do? I love this man from
the top of his head to the bottom of his feet, he's my
child's father! I just wish that I had some kind of advise
from someone anyone. I don't have a real family, they all
are just some FUCKED up people. what kinda family chooses
your ex-boyfriend over yourself. One that don't know what
family is that's what kind one that will never understand
you until the day you dye young then they all come and say
how they loved you so much and that they wish they could do
it over. Why now and not when you were there could those
things be said. I'm so sad now and in this time of my life I
should be so happy I have a wonderful baby boy that just
puts a smile on my face every time that I see him and his
father when I look at him I just want to cry. He use to be
so different he had so much love for me now its just hate
when I have been there for him the most. why do the people
that you love so much always turn on you and break your heart.