- s o u l

music's innovations .
2010-06-23 07:55:20 (UTC)

with eyes wide shut .

"let's meet in our dreams tonight."


well, today has been fantastic! L I E S . i could say that
today is the most complicated day of my life. there's too
much stuff going on.

- my relatives are here.
- then they left for a cruise to the bahamas.
- but then my aunt and new baby cousin stayed.
- my ex wants me back.
- i'm thinking of saying no.
- i feel like shit.
- i threw up and stayed in bed all day.
- i now feel hungry.

so, that's what happened today. but let me tell you about
the day i went to the movies with my friends.

we went to see toy story 3. [awesome movie.] it was dark
when we came out, and we walked to barnes & nobles because
we were hungry. turns out, it was closed. so then my
friend's ride came. they all got in the same car. and they
left me there, thinking that i'd be okay, but i wasn't. at
all. i waited thirty minutes for my mom to come pick me up.
did i say that a car honked at me? it did. and so i now have
an abnormal dear of standing in open, common places by
myself at night. thanks, guys.

i was crying my eyes out that day. my mom said i traumatized
myself. i started crying more. next time, i'm just going to
find more reasonable people to go with, so they won't
fucking leave me there. bums.

anyway, whaa?, my ex wants me back. i was like damn! i never
had a guy ask me back out so quickly. he told me he misses
me and i meant the "world" to him. *chuckles* oh really?
then why don't you go spend time with your friends? i bet
they mean THE UNIVERSE to you, since you blew me off that
one day, right? mmhm. now he's texting me faster than ever
now! but i have no idea if he's going to stop. i have doubts
of dating this guy. i don't know if i want to go back out
with him because

1. what if he does the same thing again?
2. i don't want the same thing to happen again.
3. i like giving chances, but not second ones.
4. i hate his motives of personality.
5. i hate how he seems to have no care for things.
6. i hate how his friends seem to revolve with his motives.
7. i hate how you think you're suppose to 'get some' when we
start making out.
8. i hate how he thinks i'm his true love, but i know i'm
NOT his.
9. and at this moment, i just hate you. period.

so you know what? i'm just gonna make this hell for him. he
made it that way for me, and that's just how it's gonna go.
and you know what? i'm gonna say no. he had his chance when
he blew me off. but he's all "i'm gonna communicate and
spend more time with you. i'm gonna treat you better." that
has to be some total bullshit. well, the last part didn't
sound like it; it actually sounded nice.. but that's just
about the only thing i like about him right now. he can be
somewhat convincing.. i might, just might take him back.
ugh, i don't know, i'm confused now.

and to my 'feeling like shit' day: i threw up this morning.
i almost fainted. i'm cramping like fuck. my head feels like
it's going to explode. it's one of those monthly, female
days i wish guys had to. and my random hunger: i don't know,
i'm just hungry.

so yeah, that's my current life basically. my stomach and
ovaries are trying to kill themselves, most of the few
friends i have are bums, and my ex wants me back. he can see
what he did wrong, but he can't understand why he's making
this so difficult for me. his eyes are wide shut and is
mouth is narrowly open.

[ With Eyes Wide Shut BY: blessthefall ]




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