Dr. Puppet

Bomb in a Birdcage
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2010-06-23 01:36:22 (UTC)

Life vs. Death

I don't get how I didn't see it before...I mean I could
have avoided all the pain and suicidal thoughts by just
turning to God. I mean the whole Ben thing...I fell for
him because I wanted someone that I could trust in and
that would fully understand me. someone that i could tell
everything to. And then the guy that I was dating at the
time...I didn't even really like him. I just wanted
someone to give me the love that I didn't get at home. And
I guess he wanted the same thing or we wouldn't have
lasted as long as we did. I mean we were like peanut
butter and pickles and im sorry but if you think that
those things go together then you have a twisted sense of
taste. But what i didn't see is that God could have given
me both of those things. I mean He sent down his only Son
to die for us and if that's not love then idk what is.

My youth leader found out about the suicidal thoughts
through a friend of mine. He came to talk to me and held
me while I recounted EVERYTHING. He understood! He talked
to me and prayed with me. And the whole time it was like
this HUGENORMOUS weight was just lifted off of my
shoulders. We told my parents and they are working on
getting me a counselor. I'm moving forward in God slowly
but surely. I've been so happy since then. I mean it's
like I am so carefree and "weightless" that I'm a totally
different person. I mean my mom still says I look like
some scary goth person but she don't mind as much as she
used to because i AM so happy.

I've realized that I can always come to my parents, youth
group, pastor and most of all God with my problems. And
God will always be there with me even when it seems like
he's left me and i feel all alone. With him ALL things are
possible. WIth God on my side, who can be against me? I
mean, as long as I have Him I will win in the end no
matter what I go through. Because with God the Father,
Jesus Christ the Son, and the Holy Ghost (the Holy
Trinity, AKA the Three in One) victory is ALWAYS mine!!!!