The Apocalypse
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2010-06-16 06:28:01 (UTC)

Her feelings for someone else

So I find out that my girlfriend (well she is my fiancee
now) had feelings for her bestfriend at one point in time.
I guess that part doesn't bother me. The part that bothers
me is she didn't just come out and tell me that she did.
It would've hurt a lot less. I keep telling her it's fine
and not to worry about it, but it isn't fine. I can't get
it off my mind. Just thinking about kissing my fiancee
gives me a
stomach-ache. It feels like I have this huge ass weight on
my shoulders. How could have she had feelings for her
bestfriend? Don't get me wrong I could have prevented it.
I kissed my ex while me and my current GF/Fiancee (Monica)
were dating and she talked to Rose for guidance I guess. I
don't know.

What it comes down to is that this is all my fault but yet
it still hurts me...a lot. I keep thinking about it. All
those times I asked her if she had feelings for Rose it
was always a hell no. All the times they hung out
together. What if they did something? It scares me to even
ask. I'd rather not know than ask and get an answer that
will make me hurt even more. I wish this pain would go
away. I hope Monica doesn't notice how much this hurts me.