Confessions of madness
2010-06-11 21:34:49 (UTC)

Sexual beast?

So my life seems to revolve around sex. Its mainly what i
only think about. My artwork is based on it. I listen to
sexual songs. I watch more porn then any guy i know. Men
come to me because they know im very sexual with no strings
attatched. But today while storting out my friends love life
i realised how much i missed being in a relationship. After
my last guy, things have gone downhill a bit. He was a total
asshole and he loved every minute of being a jerk. I always
had to see him, I had to buy him things, I had to enforce
the sex. I dunno he was just a jerk. He didn't care about me
one bit and we both knew it. We hated each others guts and i
couldn't stand spending more then 24 hours with the guy. How
come i still want him? I think about how well we actually
got on and i miss him. Just the insulting each other, the
cuddling up together to watch movies while making fun of
each other and play fighting, then the rough passionate sex
afterwoulds. I miss that. I know i don't miss him, or the
morning after when every word that left his mouth made me
want to punch him, or the long times of not talking to one
another. It sucks because really i think im just ready to
commit to someone again, spend time with them, make love to
only them. But then again, im Kitten. Im a sexual mistress
who only gets close to people for sex. Guys never see me as
a relationship anymore. Just someone to have sex with.
I can't seem to change myself for who i am, sex is what my
life revolves around. Im just worried if i will ever be
taken seriously.